Should I be worried

Should I be worried? I been dealing with this guy for about 10mths and he claims nothing is going on with him and his ex. However I went through his phone and found 20 voicemails from her and he called her 6 times. I know I was wrong for going through his phone but she has called my home and she popped up at his job one day while I was there. So, I know he was with her that one time, but now I just dont know. Granted we are together all the time except when we are at work and we work right around the corner from each other. So.....I ask should I be worried.


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OronD
5569 answers
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,


Yes there are good reasons that you worry.  Any good relations are based on four pillars: Trust + Openess + Communications + respect.  Without those 4 pillars no good relations can be.  So, prepare a nice setting and talk to him.  Tell him how you feel about him, tell him you want your relations to develop and grow, and tell him what bothers you (his ex).... exactly as you feel..... and finally tell him that you'll appreciate if you, both, can work out a plan that will make you feel more trust (and how trust is essntial to relations).
Best regards,
Posted 11 months ago ( permalink )
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relationshipGuru
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A healthy relationship starts with trust and honesty and a big warm genuine smile.
 

I have to agree with Oron on this one. It sounds like you do have room to worry here. While I don't condone snooping through your boyfriend's phone, I do think what you found is something that you now cannot ignore. Your best solution to this is to sit down with your boyfriend and explain to him your feelings about his friendship with his ex-girlfriend. If you trust him, make sure you say so. Make it very clear who it is you don't trust (and I assume that it's her). It may even be advisable to set up some ground rules for his communication with his ex so that you can feel more at ease and comfortable with their friendship. (You may even ask him how he'd feel if the roles were reversed and your ex was calling and leaving 20 messages and showing up at your job.) If he's not agreeable to changing the situation about his friendship with his ex, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with him and see if this is really the guy for you.
Posted 11 months ago ( permalink )
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Femalesoldier
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I'll search, while you Cool wait.

Yes, be worried
Posted 11 months ago ( permalink )
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ElleJ
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To get what you've never had, you have to do things you've never done.

Yes, I am wondering how long it's been since they broke up. 10 months is not a long time and you are already finding "red flags". I wouldn't ignore these issues now or you could (possibly) find yourself dealing with similar issues two years into the relationship. Also, if she has called your home, I am sure you mentioned it to him. Reflect on how he responded when you told him that she called, maybe his reaction will give you some insight on how close the friendship is with his ex-girlfriend.

 

Just my opinion... 
Posted 11 months ago ( permalink )
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 Just talk to him about it. Something is going on but the question is what. She might be trying to get him back and he might not know how to deal with it. You need to get him to put the cards on the table without niceties. You have a right to know what's going on especially if she's calling your home.

Don't be afraid to talk to him about it. If your boyfriend wants to be with you it'll work out. 
Posted 10 months ago ( permalink )
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