The legendary Bulwer-Lytton competition (San Jose State University) is "one of those" writing competitions: the worst opening line to a novel that can be imagined. Opening lines are supposed to "grab" the reader, but Bulwer-Lytton openers could be described more as, wrestling them into submission:
"It was a terrible battle: Bambury Castle had been under siege for the last eighteen miserable days, and they were very rapidly running out of food, water, and Midol, but no one knew the name of the attacking General until Squire Ulrich returned, exhausted from running pell-mell across the debris-strewn battlefield, pockmarked with bomb craters and scorch from the mighty engines of destruction that the enemy had skillfully deployed and then, Ulrich forcefully made his dreaded but fateful, long-winded and cliche'-ridden pronouncement: "It is Sir Nymbas of Cumulus, the dark and stormy Knight!"
Now, if you could get away with a worse opening line than that (easier said than done) what would it be? Remember, now, points will be deducted for good writing! But that never stopped you before!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulwer-Lytton_Fiction_Contest
