I want him back and pregnant

I advise you to be honest and direct.

Tell him that you've been thinking about your relationship and you'd like a chance to make a fresh start.

Of course, I'm sure you realize that a fresh start will not work if the same problems exist which caused you to break up in the first place - but there's nothing that says you can't give it a shot!

Meanwhile, I urge you to also consider couples counseling, especially if you can do so before the babies arrive.

Babies can put the whammy on even the strongest of relationships; a relationship which is already on shaky ground can be done in by the additional stressors of children and everything that comes along with them.

Good luck!

If you propose the subject of counseling (even if to help with co-parenting) you might want to ask him if he is willing to attend counseling with an open ended mind set.

By that I mean that the two of you agree to attend counseling with no specific outcome in mind other than an improved relationship as far as communicating - no goals of getting back together.

If he has doubts about being with you, that may reassure him that you are not pushing him into counseling in order to maneuver him back into the relationship - and then he may be more willing to work with the counselor to address the issues you two are having.

Of course, getting back together and an improved relationship may very well be the result - but HE doesn't have to know that!

Dani,

You are in a bit of a bad situation, and I realize that you are scared about the future of raising twins alone.

You mentioned leaving things opened for him to decide if he wants to continue a relationship with you...I think that's a great idea.  You also said that you were undergoing counseling.  Have you asked your counselor about the best way to talk with this man outside of the office setting?

I think it is extrememly manipulative to try and get him into "counseling with no specific outcome in mind"...and "HE doesn't have to know" the secret outcome you desire??? You were poorly advised.  This man you care about would resent you for trapping him into this kind of situation!!!  I would run from that idea as fast as you can if you desire any kind of future with him.

I would allow him to go with you to counseling only if he agrees, and is aware of the purpose....you trying to get back together.  Leave no information out before he agrees to a counseling session, so he may be prepare to make an informed decision. You would also need to get permission from your counselor in order for your partner to attend a session.

A relationship takes two people who are "in love" with each other in order for it to be successful.  You certainly don't want to start off by "playing games" or being manipulative with him.  I'm not suggesting that you have done so...only hoping you don't make that mistake.  Even when two people are in love, hard work is ahead of you...especially facing the birth of twins. 

I think you are right in going with your gut instinct of telling him everything up front that you desire...then let him have some time to think it over.  Only then can he do some soul searching to decide if he is in love with you, and has the same desires of having a relationship with you.  If he is the birth father of your unborn babies, then no matter what he decides to do about being in a relationship with you...he will always be connected to the children.  That is another thing you need to let him think about.

You are wanting him to understand hormonal imbalance during pregnancy, right??  Let him read  What To Expect When You Are Expecting .  There are explanations there that may explain some of the ways in which you have been behaving.  There are also good books regarding having twins...remember, there are even more hormones going crazy with multiple births.

I hope everything works out well for you.

Julie

Counseling with no specific purpose in mind regarding their personal relationship is not a trap.

It is counseling meant only to better their communication skills and encourage positive parenting together, not counseling with a goal of getting back together.

Getting back together may evolve as a result of the couples counseling, but it should not be a "goal," especially if he is currently unsure of what he wants and how he feels about her.

The most important thing at the moment is that the two of them learn to communicate with each other - and that can only happen if he agrees to work on it - which it sounds as though he will not do if he thinks the ultimate goal is reconciliation.

Certainly, she can hope that couples counseling will lead to reconciliation - but it's entirely possible that she will change her mind as counseling goes on, just as he may change his.

The bottom line is to get them to be in the same place at the same time so they can learn how to handle the issues which brought them to this place in their relationship.

Call it whatever you like, just as long as it happens.