Any thoughts welcome

All things will come in time, but you must free yourself of him first. We have all been through some kind of sh#t in our lives, but healing does not come until we are able to let go and let GOD. There is nothing that you can do about him, that part of your life has passed and you are probably better off without him. Every time those thoughts start to fill into your mind about him, stop yourself and start thinking and planning your new life. It may be to your benefit to join a cancer survivor support group as well.

Dear bnt, Jq has given you excellent advice and as far as your need for intmacy, I suggest you check for the location of the nearest Parents Without Partners group. These are far better than online dating sites because you actually get to meet real people your own age in an uncommited social setting. You can decide for yourself if there's an attraction (and vice versa) before dating.

I understand your "no self confidence" comment with regard to "his girlfriend" and I can guess your meaning. PWP will help you because you will meet others with the same feelings. One thing you need now is to feel that you are not alone and there are others in similar situations who have the same problems and the feelings that you have now. Your Yedda name indicates your current state of mind but with the right combination of events and advice I'm looking forward to you coming back as; 

"OAW" ("One Awesome Woman")

I wish you all the best in getting thru this difficult time in you life.

Hi,

   You've just got very good advices from MrJqna and Gary999.  I agree with both of them, one thumb up each.  You need to find new friends who would understand you and getting involved in some hobbies like ballroom dancing, bowling, going on short trips, cruises.  As MrJqna said, everyone of us has experienced this kind of unpleasant experience wherein we feel lost and life has no meaning. This separation is very painful at first, but as time goes by, the pain goes away slowly.

    I would also advise you to join a local church ( only if you're spiritual).  You may meet a nice Christian man who shares your dreams and values.  Please don't jump into another relationship so fast.  Try to clear up your mind and be free from pain of separation.

   I wish you that you'll have peace of mind and eventually find the happiness that you're looking for.

    Good luck to you.

Excuse me, why do you have to forgive him??  You don't have to forgive him...You just have to consider yourself lucky to be away from him, that you are 3 years cancer free and who knows what nice guy is going to walk into your life!  How lucky for you that he is now someone else's problem!  The other advice given is fine also...the more people you meet, the better chance of meeting someone special who will treat you as we were meant to be treated!  Please do be polite to him because of the children, it should not be their problem.  The glass is half full...not half empty!  Check out a Dr who can possibly help you with the menopausal symptoms...Vit E, evening primrose and even effexor can help.  I took these after my Dr's okay after my breast cancer.  Chin up!!  And SMILE...

Hello!

  Sorry to hear of your situtation, I'm glad your cancer free; but maybe you should also consider yourself also husband cancer free!  I know you've stated you've been married over 20 years, but lets face it if he really loved you; he would stick it out with you.  I'm a man...and I know it's hard! But I do believe in what I'm telling you.  I've been married 3 times, (yes) 3.. this is my fourth marrage, and I finally followed my mothers advice.  "Quit falling for a pretty face and find someone who loves you instead of someone you love.  Don't get me wrong, I love my wife of now, but we have our problems too!  You sound like a person whom has alot of heart, and there will be another..trust me..let God be the man in your life and all else will follow..seriously.  I really do understand not wanting to be along.

  I use to say I'd reather be alone wanting someone, then being with someone wishing I were alone.  It sounds as if he may had had a girlfriend before.. I hope not..anyway God Bless and trust in yourself..You'll do FINE...    

Excuse me, why do you have to forgive him??

Millgals (is there more than one of you?) I'll answer that. It's only natural to resent, hate, bear a grudge or (fill in the blank with the word of your choice) a spouse who has cheated and mistreated you. Here's a husband who's left his cancer stricken wife for another woman on their son's birthday and it doesn't get much worse than that and she has every right to feel hatred, resentment and etc.

The problem with this (and bnt knows this) is that as long as she holds onto those emotions this b*stard has a grip on her life and will continue to do so until she can forgive him. Once she is able to do that, he won't matter any more and she can move on with her life. The only thing she will have in common with him is that she is the mother of his child and that's standard stuff for all divorced parents.

Here's another thought, bnt is considering a new relationship but to succeed she first has to end the old relationship. Have you ever met someone so hung up on past injustices that it controlled their current relationships? I have, and now matter how justified, it gets really boring, really fast, and bnt knows this. "how to forgive my husband and remain friends." bnt; since you already know this is the right thing to do counselling may help get uyou there but time and distance are your best friends. Have contact only where absolutely necessary and focus on your health and the future. I know, it sounds easy but I'm unaware of any magic pills to cure your condition.

You have gone through three traumatic events that have attacked your self-confidence as a woman: breast cancer leading to a mastectomy, divorce which enabled your ex to run of with his gf and menopause. Intimacy will not help; there are no simple ways to deal with these. You must first regain your self-image as a woman of worth. Seek out support groups such as suggested and when you feel more self-confident you can seek out friendships and new relationships.

Believe me, as someone who lost a long time relationship, you do have to forgive people. You just can't move forward until you forgive the person because holding on to that pain and anger and resentment means there's still an attachment. That won't let you move on. It hurts and it sucks and all, but forgiveness doesn't benefit him in any way. It heals you.