I think I'm afraid of sex.

Veenie, Im guessing thats most men at your age. Your really not in a bad situation. You have a lot of options open to you. You can decide if you want to save this situation for someone special, or experiment. Im a 54 year old man who was once in your shoes. There has been a lot of water under the bridge since then. I can now see the value of being with only one person, but its not a little too late, its much too late. I can also see that Ive was lucky that I didnt get something, if you know what I mean. Also, our parents personal expressions about this subject have to be looked at closely as these things can also create unnecessary fears about this. Sex is natural, but I do feel there is a time and place, and that is between the two parties involved.

Does this fear apply to kissing too, or when you get to the point of being naked??  Do you have a really good friend that  is a girl?  Perhaps you could ask her to help you break through this barrier.    Do you have difficulty touching yourself?  We need more info, please.

Has a girl ever tried to make the first move?  If she tried to kiss you, do you think you would pull away, or have to leave?  Do you have trouble with hugging?  I guess I am trying to find out what it is about the experience that you are actually afraid of.  Sometimes, we are simply afraid of crossing that adult/child barrier.  Sometimes it is our fear of being hurt emotionally.  Sometimes it is our fear of being judged or compared to others.  I am not a psychologist, so all I can really do to help is to ask you to really look at the emotion you feel.  Take away the physical act and try to see what it means to you.  What would happen if you did kiss her??  Can you kiss people affectionately, and if you can, then what is the difference between affection and intimacy for you?  You don't have to have the first kiss be deep or passionate.  It could be a simple kiss on the cheek.  Then another small kiss on her neck.  Once you begin, things usually propel themselves.  Just start small!  Don't even think about sex.  Think about one small kiss on the cheek.

Dear Veenie88, almost didn't respond to your question Yedda sent me. Then I thought about it for awhile...You see, I'm a woman & I wasn't sure I had anything of value to offer you. Now I feel differently. Honey, it sounds to me as if your heart is trying to tell you something your mind is rejecting. Intellectually, you believe it's high time you had sex. You're surrounded with sex everywhere you go, from the media to people in general. The world tells you it's natural, do it, everyone does, 19 is SO old to be a virgin, AND that if you don't hurry up & "do it", there's got to be something wrong with you. !!!  Think about that for a moment, who is the world to tell you or anyone else for that matter when it's time to have sex? Even your friend's opinions do not count in a situation as personal AND important as this if they're encouraging you to take the plunge! There's nothing wrong with you at all! Matter of fact, if more young men were honest, I mean truly honest, we'd probably hear a lot more stories such as yours. But unfortunately the majority of men/boys think it's part of their passage into manhood, a MUST, do or die, just do it & get it over with. I've known many women who've thought & done the same thing. What's so sad is that whatever happened to waiting until you meet that special girl? You know, love? You feel pressured & there is nothing romantic about that feeling! Relax, it's going to happen, I promise you it will. And if it doesn't happen until your wedding night, hoorah for you! There is NO shame in waiting until you feel it's right, especially if you & Ms. Right are in love. Afterall, that's the way it's supposed to be. So listen to your instincts, your heart. I am old enough to be your mother, but I do speak from experience, a lot more than I might care to admit. Before I married, I "knew" a great many young men, I greatly appreciated dates that did not include me being expected to have sex! If girls don't understand you, walk away... Because only you know yourself & only you will know when it's time. Good blessings to you, learn to be comfortable with the gentlemen you are who has much to offer any girl fortunate enough to have your attentions. Your friend, Trishahearon