Can I tell my sister her children are spoiled?

Hi,

Rachel Inbar gave some good advice but I think it also depends on the type of person your sister is. There are some people who are better at hearing such comments and if you know your sister to be such a person, it might be legitimate to mention something about the issue.

On the other hand perhaps the fact you feel a bit insecure about going ahead with it shows that maybe you should follow your instincts. 

I myself know some people who could listen to such words and accept them in a positive way.

I wish you the best of luck. 

Yes, I do believe you need to bring it to her attention. I think she would be much happier if the kids were organized and happy. Spoiled children are not happy. They like to know the limits and they also like routine. I think the best approach would be to provide her with some literature on raising children, perhaps a book for Christmas. It is ironic that a person needs to gain knowledge to do their job at work, drive a car, etc, but when it comes to raising children there is no mandatory course. If not a book, perhaps contact your local Family and Child Development Center and ask them when the next parenting course is and try to talk your sister in to taking it. The other option I would suggest would be to rent videos on discipline.

I'm with oder woman on most things, a good structured family and routines produces happy good structured children.  I think you should talk to her in a manner that it won't look like you are putting down her parenting.

Unruly children require lots of extra energy, explain to your sister that you would like to see her life a little more simpler and happy as well and through that suggest that she start being a little more disciplined with the kids.  Explain to her that while it will be an up hill battle for a while, that the structure and discipline provided to her children will not only make them respect her more in the long run, it will give them more a chance for real success as they start to grow older. 

While a book on this issue would be nice, it's not something you give for xmas.  Book a lunch date with your sis and let her know how you worry for her, and that you want to see her happy!!!

Other people's children always seem spoilt and noisy... it's funny that way. you can tell your sister but it's only going to make things awkward between you and will not change a thing. you cannot change people. the change comes from inside.

What you can do however is set your own boundaries. 1st of all with the children, to say when things are not comfortable for you. not when you want them to do something or be different than what they are, but when they are actually bothering you. "please keep your voice down I am trying to read", rememeber to say thank you because it is an effort for anyone to be considerate, it is a choice we are making, not something we want to be forced into.

another way to set your own borders is to say "sorry I cannot come today" to your sister. she will find some other solution for the kids and both of you will be set free.