How to tell a friend to move on

Hi,

I have had very little luck over the years telling a good friend up-front, that his/her romantic interest is a real no-gooder. My initial words are typically listened to politely, then the listener goes about the troubling (to me) relationship as though I hadn't spoken at all.

What I have had considerably more success at is pointing out legitimate concerns that I have about the jerk as they occur, week by week. Building a case, piece by piece, so to speak.

I agree with Skipton.Your opinion won't really matter because it's not your relationship.She won't see that you mean well and care about her,she'll see you as jealous and controlling.She won't realize this relationship is toxic until he leaves or they get bored of making each other miserable.Some people would rather be with the wrong person than with no one at all.Your a good friend.Good luck!

well,you would have to prove to her why this guy is such a jerk,and even then she may not see it!love is blind,you know!if she is your good friend she will listen and not hate you for telling her!

I don't think there is a place for you to tell her what to do and who to choose to spend time with. Unless the guy's being abusive or something like that.

When my sister first introduced me to her boyfriend I thought he was a real asshole, as I got to know him better and also, seen him face difficult situations, I realized why they were together and what she was gaining out of the relationship.

All you can do really is respect your friend and have room for her to make mistakes, and don't say "i told you so" if they ever break up.

Although it may be difficult for you, it is ultimately your friend's decision to cut those ties.  If you continually point out what a jerk he is, she will become defensive and towards you.  That will make it all the more difficult for her to see the situation from a healthy standpoint.  If you really want to help her out maybe you two could go to a few group therapy sessions which you can find free at your local mental health center.  This can help her express her problems in a healthy environment and possibly see the negatives involved in her relationship.  It may take time but people tend to run to defend a lover or spouse when someone else sides against them.  So, just my advice, either grin and bare it or try the group therapy session.  It couldn't hurt.  Good luck to you and your friend.

it doesnt matter what you tell her...she will have to find out for herself. and then decide if she will stay with him or leave him

As a friend you want to shake her and make her understand that this man won't be the only one...there are plenty, you just have to choose correctly. At the same time though, you should never say out flat, "I don't like him, you need to break up with him, he doesn't treat you right" because she will be upset and will think you are jealous.  You want to sometimes make little comments or ask her questions about how she feels, but in a nice way, since ultimately it is HER relationship.  Maybe you can introduce her to other guys, that way she can see that he's not the only one.  I do not recommend you getting too involved because she will be thinking with her heart while you're thinking with your brain.  She will learn, trust me, even if she does not show it, she knows when he's being a jerk.  There are way too many romantic movies to know how a couple should be around eachother and when you love eachother. Good luck and I hope I helped some.