What to tell a friend with a cheating boyfriend

Hi,

Just because you don't want to give her advice and cause tension in your friendship does not mean that you cannot listen when she wants to talk about the situation, including if it's just to complain. It is ideal that a friend would want to help a friend in need; however, there are circumstances, such as yours, that it makes sense to worry about causing a friend to feel hurt. Use kind words and be honest with your friend. I think that's the most helpful for both you and her and your friendship (ignoring your friend's problem is invalidating her feelings and as a friend, you do not want to do that).

The truth hurts so it has to be coated like medicine to be useful. As a friend, she feels comfortable in confiding with you. Listen sympathetically to her and when she finishes, review all the features that she mentioned  disturb her and then point out that she is allowing herself to be hurt by accepting her friend's bad characteristics. You have to be very patient and work as water on stone and hope that she will eventually see her friend as he really is.

You are a good friend.   You are concerned about her, and you want her to be happy.

Really though, she knows already that this guy cheated on her.  And you have listened to her already many times.  You have probably already agreed with her that what he did made him a jerk and agreed that she still cares about him.

What she really is doing is putting the monkey on your back so she doesn't have to deal with this. 

Maybe she is doing it to talk herself out of it.  Maybe she is relying on you so you can tell her what to do so she doesn't have to take responsibility for any course of action she takes.  Maybe she feels so betrayed that she has to tell the world how hurt she is.  Maybe she is testing your loyalty as she doesn't know who she can trust anymore.

Whatever her rationale, just stop listening and reacting to it.  It's not your choice, you have already talked and listened enough on this subject.

Even if you don't like the guy, even if you don't like what he has done, if you keep listening, that relationship is now your relationship.... 

...Cut the cord.  When she brings it up, put the monkey back on her.  Ask her what she would do.  Or just listen for a bit, then change the subject.  If she keeps it up, let her know definitely that you are not interested in listening to it.  If she pushes you, just walk away for a bit.  You certainly wouldn't pressure a friend that way.

And for goodness sake, don't say that you always thought he was a player.  What the heck does that have to do with anything now since he is gone, and it won't help her out knowing it after the fact.  He has already displayed who is.