Last night i'm dropping my son at home with his mother, he had been staying with me over the holiday weekend, his mother being out of town. When we arrive my son's friend is there at the doorstep; He was waiting for us to get home and tells us that hes been there sleeping on the porch since friday. The boy is the same age as my son, 16, and has been going through difficulties with his father since Christmas, i have only been told a little about the situation, so i ask what happened.
Apparently the boy's curfew is 6:00 pm and when he was 15 minutes late the boy's father locked him out. I asked if he had spoken to him at all, and he tells me no. My son who has been concerned about him tells me that this happens all the time and so my heart goes out to him, i tell him that he can stay with us but that he needs to call his dad to tell him where he is and what is going on.
The boy says that he can't call him because he has caller id and apparently he is on restriction from visiting my boy's house, so i hand him my phone and he asks me who he should say he is with. feeling that it was harmless at the time, and wanting the boy to call i told him to say he's at some kids name i grabbed out of the air. He calls and his father says that he can come home.
I talked to the boy about the parents and the rules we put down sometimes are rough, but he needs to obey his father. The boy goes home but asks if he could stay if things didn't work out, and i affirm my earlier invitation.
10 minutes later the boy's father calls me upset, he tells me that his son informed him that he is moving in with us and that he has been looking for the boy since friday and has called the police in concern. The father continues to explain that he is strict, that the boy is with him because of his unmanageability with his mother, and that the boy's friends parents come to his house wondering why the hell he is locking his son out of the house. The father then says, in every instance none of these parents bothered to call him and talk to him about the situation, instead they 'buy into' the boy's mistreatment one sided. he asks me why would grown adults believe a 16 year old kid without even checking the story out?
I realised i too was just as guilty of beleiving the story without hearing the other, the Parent's side of the story. TThe father claims this is untrue, the boy's curfew began at 10:00 but with each infraction of what seemed to me to be reasonable rules, he has lowered it first to 9:00 and then to 8:00 and so on. He said the boy's punishment for being late is to take away any type of entertainment device from him, which m y son confirmed is true.
As we continue to talk the boy returns to my house and his father asked what the adress was so he could direct the police to pick him up, i told him and he flips out because he realises that i am my son's father and not the imaginary boy i told him to make up. I explained the reason for my deception and also explained that his son would be coming home now.
My question is this:
my son is upset with me because he feels that i turned my back on his freind. i explained to him that it wasn't our place to sit on a throne and slam a gavel about how this man raises his kids. I said that the police keep getting involved and that if the man was out of bounds legally with his parental methods than the police would assess the situatiom and do what is right.
But am i right? I don't want to turn my back on this boy, but if his father doesn't want his son to hang out at my son's house(which i can understand, there are times during the day when there is very little supervision) than i have to respect the man's wishes, and convince my son that to be this boy's friend he should encourage him to keep his nose to the grindstone, finish school and in two years he can move out. The alternative is that he runaway and get arrested, then there goes school, etc. To help him runaway would be wrong. but in my heart i know that the boy probably did sleep on my son's porch and maybe he did not call home, but the boy's house is very close, close enough that the father could have found him.
Help...i'm not the type of person to stick my nose into things, but sometimes you have to, don't you?
i'm doing what i feel is best for my son and the boy but is it the right thing?
Emancipation laws in this state require the boy to live for four months on his own, i told him i could find him a job and since school is out pretty soon that he could stay with us and pay a small amount of rent to prove hes responsible, i would return the money to him next fall and then he could minimize his hours, continue school and pursue emancipation. But only if he proposes it to his father and his father agrees. I also told him that if after he proposes it and his father is unwilling to be reasonable about it that i would call him up, having made a small rapport with the man i could try to help him.
But is that right?
