Should i stay to fight back or should i go to get away from shame? on Yedda

Should i stay to fight back or should i go to get away from shame?

I've been in a relationship for almost 2 months to someone i considered my best friend for 5 yrs.but recently i found out that my significant other was playing behind my back, i felt betrayed and rejected, the pain is too much for me to handle that i decided to leave from work indefinitely, i have nothing in mind now but to get away to save myself from shame.

We've been hiding our relationship from the people around us but i was so surprised to know that not only my friends and his friends knew about it but other people as well but what surprised me most was the things they knew was not really what happened he's making up stories about me, that i am not the woman enough for him to marry. It's his moved to save himself from blame. He's secretly married to one of my friend for almost 2 yrs now, nobody knows even his friends and family. Thats the real reason why i broke up with him,(when i found out about it) but i've been keeping mum.

it upset me so much. He wanted me to stay but i've been firm to my decision to leave. do you think my decision is right? or i should stay and fight back? i'm confused a part of me wants to stay and fight back, but i dont know how? pls. i need your advice.

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Equus

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S.N.O.T.S.

Snotsworth's Fair Lady Snots'quus

May The Horse Be With You !

Crying Shadow , I am totally confused of what your question is fight what and whom ? And then throw in to the mix your question of 6 days ago about you being in love with your friends X boyfriend . You've also gone back and rewritten this question as if you did not know he was married . This is not what your orginal question stated . I'm going to answer this one the orginal one that is . You are the mistress of a married man , whom you work with . He's not your significant other he's another woman's husband and you feel betrayed ??? How do you think his wife is going to feel ? And you call yourself her friend , you are not her friend . I don't know why you feel betrayed , this man has proved to you up close and personal that he is not loyal ,not trust worthy and has a serious character flaw . You my Dear are not any better . It is not smart to get involved with a married man period . Jay is right is it necessary to mix work and relationship . Perhaps you need to seek other employment and in the future seek out an AVAILABLE MAN . For every choice we make there are consequences , you are now seeing yours .

Given the nature of your question , I find your tag line interesting . Perhaps you should start living by it . " don't do to others what you don't want others will do unto you"

Posted 2009-08-14T05:07:41Z

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Jay

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Glass sculpture, Chihuly at Grant's Farm; http://www.chihuly.com

Victims of circumstance owe it to fate. Victims of choice owe it to themselves.

You have interwoven work and relationships. Is this necessary? Must you fight when you go into work and do your job?

Jay

Posted 2009-08-14T04:31:21Z

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crying shadow

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"don't do to others what you don't want others will do unto you"

in reply to your valuable answer, i have not no idea that he's married until recently when i heard something from a friend mentioning this girl name. I have no idea about the whole thing that is why i broke up with him when i found out that his married. my trust was betrayed in the first place, i am getting away he wanted me to keep his marriage to this girl a secret, but what i'm so upset this time because i've been hearing rumors that i'm not the woman enough for him to marry. its the betrayal of friendship and trust that upsets me. i am fighting back for my dignity dear, nothin else. i dont need his love this time, how could someone love a monster.

Posted 2009-08-14T05:25:28Z

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Equus

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S.N.O.T.S.

Snotsworth's Fair Lady Snots'quus

May The Horse Be With You !

Crying Shadow , Your question before you changed it did not state you did not know he was married . I am going to take you at your word that you didn't know . Altho .. I am still not clear how on he could be married to a friend of yours and you not know . You should consider talking to your friend before she hears the rumors about her husband and you . You stated , He's spreading rumors about you . I am in human resources , so here's what you do . He has created a Hostile Work Environment for you and is also sexually harrassing you . Go to your supervisor and file a complaint against this man , you have the grounds to do so. If this Man is your supervisor all the better go to his supervisor . Again you have the grounds to file a complaint against this man , do it . On a side note, if it happens to slip out about him being married around the water cooler , so be it . You might save the next woman he tries this with alot of trouble .

Posted 2009-08-14T05:39:51Z

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crying shadow

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"don't do to others what you don't want others will do unto you"

thank you so much for the very helpful insights. That's what i am planning to do before i will leave the office. i've heard from his friend that his not only doing it to me but also to my other friends and another colleague, he refused to disclosed the identities but i think i have an idea who are these women involved.

By the way,his wife doesn't know that her husband is fooling around.

Posted 2009-08-14T06:21:22Z

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crying shadow

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"don't do to others what you don't want others will do unto you"

i just want to clarity the situation.The story was this i have a colleague and a friend (A) who had a close friend girl (B) who's also working in our company, so the 3 of us are working the same company.

This guy was involved to girl A and girl B without the knowledge of girl A. when i found out they broke up this guy went to me as a friend, he was calling me and invited me out, as a friend and was innocent of all that happened i became his confidante.i didn't know about this girl B. And as i said that naive feeling friendship develop into something deeper, and i become involve with him, he wanted to keep our relationship a secret because he has his own motive.

just recently, when i bumped another friend of mine and had mentioned the name of this girl B,out of my curiosity i tried to know the whole story, i confronted him, that's when i heard the painful truth that he was married with girl B for almost 2 yrs now. he said his not enjoying anymore with his life that is why he did it,he is in love with this girl but he wanted to keep me as well beacuse he's enjoying my company. i cannot take what i heard so i decided to leave, now, he wanted to stay out of trouble he made he is making up a atories that im not the woman enough to marry to to save himself from the blame.

if i only i knew he was married i never did this mistake. i hope this is clear enough for you.

Posted 2009-08-14T08:35:48Z

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Equus

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S.N.O.T.S.

Snotsworth's Fair Lady Snots'quus

May The Horse Be With You !

Crying Shadow , His wife is going to find out , you all work for the same company , to many other people know plus he's boasting about it . He's a bigger idiot than I first thought . You need to perpare yourself for when his wife does find out , he is going to try and cover his backside and lay as much blame on you as he can . She on the other hand hopefully will be smart enough to hold him accountable for his own unacceptable behavior with you and apparently others . File a Hostile Working Environment and a Sexual Harressment complaint against him as soon as possible . Also be prepared for him to file against you as a willing partner . I have worked in human resources for a long time and have seen this happen . Honesty and documentation with your supervisor and or HR person is your key here .

Perhaps the reason for his keeping his marriage a secret is due to it being against company policy ? Looks like this poor excuse of a man could be without a job . Once again for every choice we make there are consequences his may be the unemployment line and divorce court . So be it, he made his bed he can now lay in it.

I wish you Peace , Happiness and the Love of a good man .

Posted 2009-08-14T11:55:23Z

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jada_lynne

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If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

The first thing you need to do is step outside of yourself and read what you wrote. My mind automatically goes to...are you @#*! serious? This guy is not only an idiot...I'm pretty sure he might be their king! He has a relationship with you that's secret. He marries another woman .... and that's a secret too. He talks smack about you to your friends and to his friends, and according to you he also makes up stories about you.

You ask if you should stay and fight. I ask you...what the hell would you be fighting for? For a man that wouldn't know the truth if it fell from the sky on top of him? For a man that is married to someone else? For a man that talks about you to others and on top of it lies about what he tells them?

Run like hell! The opposite direction. Then say a big thank you to God for letting you see who this guy is and accept it as a lesson in life. All things are not what they seem. You are lucky in the sense that you now know this one is a snake in the weeds...

Posted 2009-08-14T14:13:46Z

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