Should I stay or should I go?

Close the door. If he wants a change he will always want that change. He can leave easier the secound time. Ndon't trust him again, learn from this

if he truely loved you he would have never left you for a married women. did she tell her husband about her new guy. i dont think so. she wants her cake and eat it too. thats not fare to you at all. he doesnt want to be tied down. let him go. i know it will be hard but time heals all wounds and youll meet someone just for you. best wishes.i hope your heart heels.

Hi Bunny, ------- You are not going to like my answer, but I am committed to the truth. 10 long years and nothing came out of this relation. From your point of view it is love and "second half".... for him it is much less and he moved on on the first opportunity. No offence, please but that means he doesn't love you doesn't care about you and doesn't respect you (sorry !). Now he found out that she is married. Toght luck..... Why should you care about it ? He'll solve that problem and be with her..... but even if she returns (stays) to her husband you'll better close the doors tight.... Your botfriend showed in his actions more than he told you with his sugar coated words ("Action speek louder than words"). Move on, painfull as it be (and it will be VERY painfull) and find someone you deserve.... someone that will love you, repect you, and care for you. I appologise for being direct and blunt. ---------- Best regards,

I was never an atheist Tippy,  
   
I was an agnostic  
   
BIG difference  
   
I was raised Baptist and got lost for awhile...  
   
Satan had a grip on me i guess...  
   
And many in this forum helped me to see the light  
   
Ask around!  
   
Look through my profile threads!  
   
God is guiding me once again!  
   
Tippy  
As evil as you have been on this forum, which everyone will soon see, i don't think YOU know GOD....  
   
  
Bring it Tippy!  
   
Yes let's get it ALL out in the open!  
   
You, your friend Profitbob, Shortcake915, Lindah, Nwad42860,Michael Joel Held, RonaldV, OronD, etc., etc, are the ones stealin everyone's thumbs...  
   
I am just gettin some payback!  
   
You steal everyone elses thumbs, and paddster each other!  
   
All anyone has to do is go through each and everyone of your profiles!   
Check each thread they post on and connect the dots! It's easy! 
    
You really want to do this Tippy?  
   
Bring It!  
   
By the way everyone, Profitbob helps Nazis find each other!  
   
Check the threads in his profile!  
   
He also points others to free government money, trying to crush the economy even further!  
   
You really want to do this Tippy??  
   
I tole ya i am an Intel Ops Pro!  
   
Giddy-Up!  
   
By the way Tippy, arent you a God fearing woman?  
Why are you such good friends with atheists??  
Check her profile!  
Check ALL their profiles!!!  
   
Wow this is almost like "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego"!!!!

wow what was that about?? anyways to the question on hand i think you should let go and i know it is easier said then done but why do you want to be his second choice? he left that easy after 10 years and if you let him come back then he will think that he can play this game and you will take him back every time. good luck you will make the right decision you are strong!!

No, definitely not. He wants to keep his options open in case she won't leave her husband he will go back to you. You don't want to be his second option, you want to be his only option. You are better than that and don't deserve to be treated that way. Forget him and move on and do you. By the way I don't think you could trust him after that. There is no point, I know you care about him and want him but you have to let go. It hurt alot now but it would save you more heartache in the long run. What I don't like about this is he has you on a waiting period to see what happens with her. Oh please, u know what you keep him on a waiting period instead.

bunny21, you have gotten some good answers, but it is not the advice you wanted, because I am sure you thought about all this already. If your boyfriend came back to you with no strings attached, you seem like you would forgive and forget. And after ten years, that would be a normal attitude. Many spouses take back a straying mate and move on. After all, everybody makes mistakes and acts stupid at times. We grow past it, or we don't, and who can say in advance what will happen? So, you want him back, but the real question is, can you keep him if you take him back? Not at the moment, in my opinion, but that doesn't mean never. People change, but very slowly. Your boyfriend hasn't learned his lesson yet, by a long shot, if he wants to keep his options open. Well, it is time to start making him pay for his options. The first thing is for you to start dating other men. It doesn't have to be romantic dates, just go out with other guys and have fun. Until your boyfriend swears off all other women, you should make a concerted effort to "play the field". You don't need to get romantic with any of these guys, since you want your boyfriend anyways, but you do need to socialize and let him know it. You have options too, and he is holding the weak hand in this game. You are worth being involved with, and he is a douche. Sorry, I know you love this guy, but let's be honest. He may have lots of good qualities, but trying to string you along while he waits for a married woman to dump her husband? That is a little overboard for showing a lack of respect for you. So, anyway, that's the deal, he wants options, and you have options. You hold the whip hand, and you should apply it liberally. I think it is time to teach this guy some respect and make sure that he comes crawling whenever he comes around. It is time for him to prove that he loves you. Everybody involved in this situation wants their cake and to eat it too. The wife that is cheating on her husband is the really sick one in this mess. Once you start having kids, it is too late to back out of a marriage. When she does get caught by her husband it is going to destroy their family, and the repercussions will last for years, with a messy divorce, child custody fights, money problems, emotional distress and so on. Your boyfriend will then be involved in all this, and who knows if she will still want him then? She is not a stable person and her decisions are not rational. So, your boyfriend is setting himself for some really hard times to come. Now is not the time to make it any easier for him. It may be possible to love two women at once, but that doesn't mean it should be painless. He owes you an emotional debt for your loyalty (and why he would want to hang around with a woman who cheats on her husband is beyond me, but everybody has their own set of values), and you need to make sure you collect on it. So, this is getting long, but let me summarize: Keep this guy at arm's length, date other men (ask them, don't wait for them to ask you), make your boyfriend work extra hard to please you, and as long as you can handle the drama, you can put off dumping him. If the cheating wife finally takes him away, count this as a blessing, and be glad that you have all those guys you were dating to choose from.

Bunny, There are good postings above, but the one immediately above is especially good as it recognizes why you need to be skeptical and "hedge your bets" while also recognizing that SOMETIMES people make mistakes and can change. Your hubby might realize what a mistake he has made and the other lady thing might evaporate and he might come back having learned a lesson.

Sometimes lust can work powerful effects on people and can make an otherwise good and sane person behave like a teenager (or worse). Sounds like what is going on in your husband's case. Monogomy is a hard road to hoe for a lot of people and when someone (M or Female) reaches an age where they think their sexuality, appearance, attraction to opposite sex is subsiding ... as it tends to do with age .. it can really cause an emotional eruption; that can be a desperate need to strike out to try and confirm it still works ... that can attact and make romance ... or to try to enjoy some of the forbidden fruit what you are able to attract it or perform ... this can be maddening when the mind goes into such a panic or lustful desire mode ... and it can make rational and decent people act like fools, at times. I don't know if you husband was otherwise a good man for the years with you, but you seem to really care for him and did not indicate any other negatives. If he has otherwise been a good man (a good husband, respectul and appreciative of you in general in the past, a good father ..if kids .. a good provider) then you might not want to just toss in the towel like some suggest. It's easy to suggest that; but its not so easy to do when you have so much time invested as you do, and perhaps children/family involved too.

Only YOU can evaluate all those factors and what he was like before.

If he loves you and if you love him, this might be salvagable and sometimes those marriages that go to the brink of disaster can be better than ever when saved before crashing to the bottom. Of couse, he would have to give up chasing the other for the sex or ego boost or whatever it is she gives him. If he will not do that, then the only way to salvage anything would be if he agrees you too will have someone else (one or more) ... in other words a non-monogomus relationship. Some people can do that and make it work. Many can not handle the jealously and ground rules necessary to make that work.

In any case, I suggest you go see a marriage counselor for a few sessions to get an OBJECTIVE, PROFESSIONAL source who has expertise in marital relationships and human behavior to hear out FULLY what your relationship has been like in past, what your husband has been like in the past and to have a give-and-take conversation with you about 1. the realities of the situation and 2. whether anything can be salvaged at this point and 3. how to get him in for COUPLE counseling to see if he still loves you and what his "problem" is and whether it can be resolved to allow the marriage to be saved and go forward. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP ... more than what you can get from some strangers (like me included) on Yedda with a problem so complex and when it comes to giving up on a marriage or trying to rehabilitate it.

I have seen couples get that kind of marriage counseling and sometimes it helps to make the parting work more smoothly and sometimes it does salvage a marraige. I wish you the best. The collapse of a marriage can be a devastating experience. If there are children involved it is often much more devastating and it can take a toll on the children too, and can make it virtually impossible to make a full, clean break (the kids will keep an inevitable connection ... marriage is NOT forever but Parents is forever!)

I wish you the best during this very tough time!

Rob