Since October 2008 to now I went from R80000 to R20. I am a white girl, blonde hair, in South Africa and I loose every opportunity and every job to a black or coloured person. I am 34 but look 24, and am currently studying drama. I do have a purchasing degree but dislike the corporate world and I am have reached Reiki Master Teacher level but people here are too conservative for that. All I have done since Oct 2008 is pay, pay, pay and have not had any luck with earning money. I never imangined my luck to turn this way and it is taking a huge blow at my confidence as I am so disempowered without money. It's become so disasterous that I feel like lying back and saying "just take it all, my clothes, my car, my books, you may as well take every piece of junk i have left". I never thought of my things as junk and went on a long journey after a depression 12years ago to learn to love myself and I find I am doing those horrible self slander things to myself. I even lost my boyfriend of 1year to a trashy coloured alcoholic and drug addict this week...something I turned away from completely 10years ago and self healed. How do I get from this point of R20 to 3, 4, 5, 6, 100x more than R80000 and more if possible? I am not a stupid girl, I have just made some bad decisions, mistakes and am still going through the motions of recieving the lessons. How do I change my thinking and program my mind to making money and feeling confident about myself again? The boyfriend is history and I am thankful that I am experienced enough in the field of losing men to other women that I saw it coming just as it did. The ultimate betrayl to me and the thing that makes me walk away and never look back after my man has been tainted by another woman. 3 boyfriends in 9years and all 3 lost to other woman. So all I am interested in now is my life, my dreams and goal, and making so much money that I can really take part in life and feel like a worthy and important part of this universe contributing my God-given talents everyday. Where do I begin at nothing? how do I pull myself out of this whole?
Thank you for taking the time to read.
Warm regards,
Penelope
