Would you snoop around your kids' stuff if you ...

Hi,

Your relationship with your kids should be based on trust . Snooping around their things won't achieve that. I would talk to them about it and use means of communication in order to achieve my goal of getting them as far from drugs as possible. This isn't always an easy task but snooping will just bring more distrust into the relationship. Distrust that will prove to be an obstacle later on in life.

I am so sorry that your child might be using drugs.  It must be a stressful time for you.

Yes, I would "snoop".  And you are not alone.  A lot of parents do snoop, and are concerned about the welfare of their children.  Many of us have gone through this before.

If you think your child is using drugs, it is your obligation as a parent to search your house for drugs, including their room.

Your role as a parent is to guide your child to be a good or even great individual, while also ensuring that they are kept safe from harm and do no harm to others.  When you suspect drug use, and do nothing, you are condoning it.  What lesson is that for your child?  I have no idea what drug it is, but if it ends up causing brain damage to your child, and you chose to do nothing, is that what you would want?

You also have a role to keep your family safe within the family home.  If you suspect drugs are within the house, and do nothing, and then your son is arrested, how would you keep your family safe if the police have a warrent to invade your home.  They will certainly not be as careful or as polite as you would with your property looking for drugs.

It's your home, you child and your family at risk.  It's also your choice.

Yes, if your child catches you, there will be distrust, but stand your ground.  

You also should monitor their web sites, their cellphone bills and text messages, and know who their IM and real friends are.  Feel free to snoop if you are concerned.

But the best thing to do is prevention.  Hopefully you and your child are working towards a great relationship so that your child can talk to you about their problems and you can help guide them.

Also, do not be afraid to insert yourself in you child's life.  If you do not find any drugs, still talk to them about drugs.  And if you find drugs, hopefully you have a plan for that too.

Here is a site you might helpful: Should I Snoop?

I would snoop even if I didn't suspect that my child was using drugs.  You just have to be good.  Remember what you touch and put it back like you found it.

I guess I see this a little differently, If your child were despondent and you feared suicide, what measures would you take to protect that child? I view drugs as a plea for help as I do suicide. It would be my responsibilty to find out. Protecting your child is your responsibility and I don't know when we turned our responsibilities into hiding behind a fear that our children will think we are snooping, in homes where we are the parents and the providers, as well as being responsible for their safty.

Absolutely. If you are a loving and caring parent, which I know you are...checking things out is exactly what you should do. Some drugs lead to accidental overdose, and other things such as car accidents while under the influence, etc... I consider using drugs a plea for help. The time is now before anything serious happens to him/her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

I have a 16 year old daughter, and yes I would have a look at her stuff. I have a close relationship with her and she has already approached me and told me that she has smoked pot (weed) She told me that she tried it a few times but decided that she didn't like the feeling.

But back to looking through your kids things, yes it's ok, if you have a good reason for thinking that your kids are doing the wrong things. Also you have to think really hard about how you would react if you do find things you don't like. Because once you've found something, you have to deal with it in a positive way where your kids don't shut you out even more. 

So devaloping a open relationship with them and having trust going both ways is always the best way to know what your kids are doing. I have done this by honesty becoming friends with her, I talk with her, and have got to know her friends very well. I let her friends stay in the weekends and spend alot of time with her. In return she trusts me and has told me about her fears of things such as sex and drugs. 

i am 17 and i would like to say that just seriously talking to them, would be best. try using the words i feel or he'll thikn your blaming him or something.