My sister needs me to donate her eggs

Hi,

Green Gal,

Please do not be influenced by other posters. Only you can make this disicion and it is not an easy one, believe me. I have been in a very similar situation as you. I am 30 and my sister is 41 and wanted me to donate. I really wanted to thought i could but my anxiety kicked in and i was freaking out. I was under sooo much pressure.....are you on line now??? we can talk about this.. How old are you? thats a important question in this too... you said you were a student??

They don't understand or acknowledge the gravity of what they're asking you to do.They wouldn't ask you to have a child and give it to your sister would they?It's basicly the same thing.While I agree it's an honorable and generous thing to do,it's an exteremly personal CHOICE.You don't have to do this and your family making you feel like you do is wrong.Donating is a simple procedure but it takes months of hormonal prep that can be miserable.I've done it.My brother is gay and I donated my eggs to be implanted into the surrogate of their choice,fertilized by his partner,so my brother would have a genetic connection to his son(born 7/9/07).I undertand why your sister wants YOUR eggs,but she has no right to covet them.Egg donation is a gift,not a responsibilty.It has taken me this long to see my son as my nephew and will probably take years for me to accept it,however I know we will always have a special relationship that I wouldn't trade for anything.I hope you make a decision that is best for YOU.There are pro's and cons no matter what but don't let them make you think if you don't donate you are robbing your sister of being a mother.There are many other options.Good luck and many many prayers!

The only thing I have to add is that your sister WANTS you to donate eggs for her. She doesn't NEED you to. It's your choice, one you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. This is not your obligation by any stretch of the imagination... If we were talking about donating blood & you had a unique blood type that could save her life, that's one thing, but it may be better for everyone involved for her to use an anonymous donor who will never be a part of the picture.

Good luck!
Rachel Inbar
www.FertilityStories.com

Greengal,

I have been/am in exactly the same situation.  After 4 months of research and soul searching, and being on the brink of going through the process, I realized that this is not a good thing for myself or my family. 

The long-term effects of the drugs on donors, recipients, and children are completely unknown. As I'm hoping to have another child, and I don't have much time myself (being in my late 30s) I just couldn't feel good about the process. I might have felt differently if I had time to complete my family first. 

My main advice for anyone in this situation is: don't try to do anything you're not happy to do. And don't let the situation drag out. Because I care for my sister, I tried to go beyond my capacity,thought I could do it, backed out, and ended up damaging my relationship with my sister very badly. However I don't feel guilty or regret having decided against donating.  Though I want my sister to be happy, it was disappointing that she hardly considered my welfare (I know she is afraid to know the downside of IVF, so she has done hardly any research.) I know that if she tries, she can have a child without this kind of help from me-- anonymous donation or adoption are still  options for her. 

 There is a possibility that "natural cycle" IVF (no drugs to stimulate hyperovulation) may become available in the near future. If you do a search on natural cycle egg donation and you'll find an article about a successful birth from this procedure done last year.

ajaya -  i am in the EXACT situation.... i would love to talk to you about it via email.... it happened to my sister and myself about a year ago. she is stil so angry about it she can barely talk about it.