Hi,
What you are feeling believe it or not is totally natural considering what you have been through. You dont need to remember what happened to you for it to interfere with your life now and in your case, how you feel about talking about sex and feeling dirty afterwards.
Im going to tell you what you probably don't want to hear and that is you need to talk to someone. A specialist. I say this because my daughter was also molested/rape. We don't know when it started but somewhere around the age of 4. I have had my daughter in and out of counseling all throughout her life, she still has a great deal of problems because of what happened to her. She is ok with sex I believe but what happened to her is coming out in other ways that is equally harmful to her.
She still continues to go in and out of counseling, but for the most part, it has done her a lot of good. You can't handle this alone, you really really cant and i cant stress that enough. When my children were 5 months old and 18months old my husband committed suicide in my home, by a shotgun. My children did not see it or him as the emts brought them out of the home with blankets on their heads, but they heard the gun go off and they heard me go into hysterics.
One of the first things the EMT told me was the event could severely impact my childrens life when they became older from this and they would have no idea what was wrong. The reason i mention this is, they were young, they didnt see it, they heard it and its something that definately can mess them up even though they do not remember it.
You are already having issues and i can tell you without hesitation, its because you were molested. Do yourself and your loved one a favor and see a specialist and work through it. It can only make your life better. No one wants to feel dirty after sex and you shouldnt. Thats a form of guilt you are feeling. Eventually without working through what happened to you will continue to surface throughout your life. Dealing with it is inevitable. Its up to you on how far you want to go in your life before seeing someone about this before it causes you more harm in your life.
God bless you and please for your sake seek counseling on this. Please