Hello friend, I can understand your feelings of distruction and the person you are dealing with may have inner feelings about your behavior that may cause a seperation one day.   You need to re-evaluate where your coming from first and then ask yourself today, is this the type of person do I want to be?  There are many mixed feelings that seem to be happening in your life and sometimes I am gathering that your jealousy is contributing to it.  Did you know that out of 100 women and men, about 30% of them is displaying their state of depression?, low self-esteem, and some it is a serious mental disorder which for some it is mild to moderately critical.  I was told I could be having like a multiple personality type that really scares the creature out of me.  I recommend you take a look at a site or google this word.  Bi-polar disorder.  This to my understand is very much similiar to what I have experienced but yes it can be treated and yes self-managed.  Unexpected behavior and blow ups especially to someone you love is going to reverse in time with your partner.  I also learned that those who have this rare behavior may have had some tramatic experience in their life, but again everyone is treated or diagnosed differently.  If you work long hours and a stressful work enviroment, that may trigger again because your not the type that may not want to hear about others problems or deal with sensitive issues.  Really it could be as having a bad day and then your reaction as it seems may be unrealistic or inappropriate behavior by so called latching out at someone for no reason.  The current everyday challenges in daily living and coping with keeping a solid relationship takes time to heal.  It never is too late if your willing to share your feelings in a calmly manner to your spouse.  Most partners will want to walk away because he or she is unable to cope or deal with this type of problem.    

I recommend that you check out this word called Bi-polar disorder.  This can be sought in health magazines and other resources that speaks specifically about this topic.  Your doctor can be one to visit and find out if your carrying this disease.  This is not to say that because we have emotional issues and other things that a similiar, but there are other ways to avoid this.  It is like any other disorder that is out there.  Treatment programs are available.  So if your feeling angry for no reason or thinking otherwise unhealthy thoughts about life in general this may be the time to seek proffessional help.  And finallly it's an important topic to share mutually with your partner and ask him or her to give you feed-back of how they feel about the behavior.  Focus on your strenghts and work towards your weakness together.  How will it affect him or her and what can you both do to make your lives better without feeling guilty but develop that trust.