Hi

 I am going to be harsh ..but you can only ask and plead  for forgiveness so much , if and when you hurt someone they have to decide to forgive and let go of the past .You do not control your wife's emotions  she can't see beyond her hurt and the past .we forget that as long as we allow someone to control our emotions we will feel whatever emotion we feel ..I feel sorry for you as you miss your kids and wife , people can also emotionally blackmail us by letting us feel guilty ..it's just human ..when trust is  is lost it takes time to gain someones trust again it's goto be earned ..but  you don't have to pay or feel guilty for the rest of your life . Good luck ..