Why am i ruining myself?

Get psychological help or discuss and get support from a clergyman or a good friend. You need to restore your self-image and there is still time if you take care of this problem. I don't think you can do it on your own but the fact that you realize you have a problem is a major step in the right direction.

First, never ever feel pressure to do something you feel badly about and there is nothing wrong with you.  It is okay to say no.  The person that you are having relationships with, is it someone who has authority over you or is it someone you feel will leave your life if you do not continue to have sex?  You need to find someone to talk to face to face who can give you support.  Do not beat yourself up about this, you are not a bad person because you had sex with the same sex.  If you have a desire to but then feel bad during the act, it may just be guilt from feeling as if you are doing something wrong.  You definately need to talk to a professional to work through these feelings.  Hope you get the help you need and stay strong.

There is nothing wrong with you at all.  Your just exploring thats all, your feelings of guilt come from the "precieved" notion that being gay is wrong.  It is not wrong, your not wrong.  Hope this helps even a little bud. 

If you are not married and not in a relationship with a woman, I wouldn't beat myself up over it. If you are married, you need to tell your wife ASAP. Other than that, go to a professionial and talk to him about it. best of luck to you.

Your feelings of guilt are actually a God given response to what God considers unsafe and ungodly behavior. God does love homosexuals but it doesn't change the fact that He views that type of sex as wrong. Society says it is ok (just look at some of the other posts on here) but God says it is wrong. Who do you think is on the right side of this issue?

The guilt comes from your conscience which is God given. Get a bible and read Romans Chapter 1.  I pray that you find the type of love that God designed for you which begins with loving Him. He has your best interest in mind and desires a relationship with you. After all Christ died for the opportunity to have one with you. Romans 5:8

If you did not like it and want it again, you would not be seeking it out.  You have had "gay is bad" drummed into your head your whole life.  I think you are gay and having a hard time coming to grips with it.  The only way to resolve your unhappiness is to realize that you were created this way.  It wasn't a mistake, nor was it a test of your moral character.  It is who and what you are.  Learn to love yourself and accept who you are.  Be careful not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of while you figure all of this out.  Being gay doesn't mean you are bad, it simply means you are different.