YOU SEE I AM AFRAID IF I WEAR SOMETHING SHE IS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL AS IF IT IS WRONG TO WEAR IT This happened to me today. I was going on an interview (for an Administrative Assistant position working for the Dean) at a University not far from my home. I was wearing a pink silk long blazer with 8 small buttons down the front, black pants and underneath the blazer a satin black and white blouse (all you could see is the collar of the blouse)
Mom: "Don't you think this is a little dressy for the interview"
Me: "No"
When I came home from the interview:
Mom: "How did it go"
Me: "Well" (and I told her about the interview)
Mom: "You look nice"
Me: "This blazer isn't too dressy"
Mom: "well it is for the school. Where I work they wear jeans"
Me: "So If I get the job you are telling me not to wear anything dressy in my closet"
Mom: "It is different when you get the job, you can go with your boobs hanging out and they cannot fire you"
Then we had a fight and my mom said some nasty things such as "Well if I was interviewing and some wore your blazer I would not hire them”
Then tonight she said after we were telling each other things
Mom: “I am glad you finally purchased dinner napkins with all that you use
Me: “Well since we are opening up and telling one another things are you saying that I get the job I shouldn’t wear what I wore today”
Mom: “No what you wore today was to dressy it was like going to a wedding. But on the job it is different. When you go to the interview first impressions are important.”
Me :”I thought I was dressed fine”
Mom: “When you get the job and they know you then you can wear what you want”
My question: AM I reading into my mothers original remarks and would you think when she said her original remark that she is telling you how to dress once you get the job - details YOU SEE I AM AFRAID IF I WEAR SOMETHING SHE IS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL AS IF IT IS WRONG TO WEAR IT.
BACKGROUND: Most of the time I go alone to the discount store to buy the clothes. Sometimes I will go with my mom (in her 80‘s). When I go by myself I will always come home with the gorgeous stuff (items from Talbot’s, Old Navy, etc) and my mom loves the stuff that I bring home. When I go with my mother my mother makes comments.
HERE ARE THE THINGS MY MOM SAYS WHEN WE GO TOGETHER
(1) That is short, you don’t like short”
(2)“Look it over to make sure it is in good condition”
(3) “I only told you that it didn’t look good because you weren’t sure if you liked it or not”
(4) “Even though it is gorgeous I like the other one better if I was going to wear it”
(5) “I do love that turtleneck you picked out but thick turtlenecks bother me”
(6) “I only told you what I thought because you asked me if I liked it or not”
HOWEVER, WHEN I GO BY MYSELF THIS IS WHAT MY MOTHER SAYS WHEN I COME HOME:
(1) “I love what you got - I want it.”
(2) “I love that and I am going to take that from you”
(3) “Get me that”
MY MOM AND I WILL SAY THE FOLLOWING WHEN WE ARE AT THE discount STORE:
(1) “Mom you always make comments” which my mother replies: “I am allowed to say something and I am allowed not to like something”
(2) “Mom I feel you would have said something about the ones you loved that I brought home if you had come with me on those outings here” which my mother replied “No I wouldn’t have because they are beautiful. And it is your problem if you feel this way, not mine”
(3) My mother also says “You really lack self-esteem”
(4) My mom also says “You know sometimes you tell me you don’t like an article of clothing I buy, but if I really like it you could stand on your head and I wouldn’t care if you liked it or not because I do.
ALSO WHEN I AM AT HOME:
(1) Arent you going to be hot in that blouse