You ask 2 questions. How to know and how to get him to connect. In both cases you want to be in control. thus loosing the spontaneity and exitement of life, love and passion. If you could let go of the idea that you have to know, and that he has to do something other than what he is doing, if you let go of trying to be safe you may find an adventureous journey you can truely enjoy.
as for making relationships work there are 2 major opinions. One is to give what you want to get. you want honesty - put in honesty. you want passion - put in passion. you want friendship - put in friendship. what you give is what you get.
The other is to play the game. Let him lead. Don't always be availabe, make sure you have a life other than him. ceramics or drama or yoga, anything. That way he always feels a slight competition, they say its a healthy energy for that hunter in a man.
In short - live as if he is connected. Be the love you are seeking. Things last for as long as they need to, and then new ones come along.
