I am in a relationship with a man that has been ...in love with ex wife after many years and hes in denile driving me nuttsssss......

Marilyn, I firmly believe that any relationship must be based on a strong foundation. Unfortunately, you are trying to build your relationship on very unstable ground. Please, give it up, you will not get anywhere with this man. Forget him and get on with your life. Of course it will be painful and disappointing but at least you will have a better chance for happiness.

I think that you need to really think about whether this is a realtionship that you want to be in or not. You should never be second best for someone. If your man is still in love with his ex, but denies it, then you need to move on with your life because he will never change. The only thing that may wake him up would be the reality check he gets when you really aren't coming back.

Marilyn , I am sorry but I think you need to end this relationship .  This man's  actions speak louder than his words .   One can't fix what one will not acknowledge .  He is bringing outside interference in to your relationship , his X Wife .  He is not your boyfriend he is her X Husband .  You deserve a man who loves you and only you , he is out there looking for you , go find him .  You will be much happier .  Good Luck .

Why do you leave and always come back? He changes nothing why should he you always come back.

You have received some great answers here.  I personally don't believe that you need to think about this any further...you've thought about it for 10 years now!  What more is there to think about?  The ex is the ex and unless the two of them need to discuss children...there is no need for them to discuss anything.  You didn't mention children, so I don't know if that's an issue here.  Since it's a sore spot with you, it's painfully obvious that he doesn't respect your wishes, your boundaries, or your feelings.  Additionally, I personally see no reason to date one person for 10 years, unless you simply don't wish to be married.  To me dating leads to something permanent and if not then I would date different people until I discovered the 'right' person.  So I echo the sentiment here... go find a man who will love and respect you; who will honor you.  The only other option here is to suck it up and accept the situation as is.

I would tell him to get over it or the door swings both ways. If he wants to continue coming through your front door his thoughts better be of you, and not her.Wonder why he is still hung on her so bad? Could it be that he gets along with her in his day dreams better than he ever did when they were married? Both you and him are being used,you three times though. You should have stayed broken up with him after the third time and never came back again. You are really a glutton for punishment.

She probably played him for a sucker when they were married, and still is. Everytime she wants something she calls him and he jumps through hoops to do her every command.She also knows that it gets to you when he does her bidding.I bet he has even made it a point to tell her how you react to the attention he still gives her. Boy, he really has an ego on top of his stupidity.I heard love is blind, but honey take your blinders off now before he really drives you crazy. If he really,really loved you,he wouldnt keep walking all over you, and you wouldn't let him continue to trample all over your heart and emotions. Tell him to walk out that door and you hope the door knob hits him where the sun don't shine. Good luck, but please get out now and stay out this time.You deserve better and he deserves whatever he gets.

Im so sorry for you. But the truth is the truth. You have to choices here.And here is what they are

1. You suck it up and except the facts and live with it,(you enjoy being last in line)

2. You walk away from it.( because you have enough respect for yourself to want better)

Love is not about pain. Love yourself enough to want better for yourself.

Marilyn58:  This man is not in denial; he knows exactly what he is doing.  He is a "user" like his wife, who knows how to manipulate her past and current relationships to get what she believes she deserves.  It is apparent there are other commitment ties affecting the old relationship forever more. The question is: what do you deserve and what are you willing to do to get it?

He refuses to let go of the past; carrying unresolved baggage into your relationship that will never get resolved.

How can he claim to be "in love" with you?  To be in love requires the act of respect.  Respect is a two-way street where one does not consider what is good only for oneself; but what is best for the other-half of the relationship.

He may have a warm, personal affection for you, a kind of love that exists between close friends, but it does not appear he is in the state of love that grows into keeping two people reasonably happy for an indefinite period of time.  He also appears to be afraid to make a commitment.  The past can do terrible things to the psyche of someone who once loved deeply.

Marilyn take stock in yourself and what you want out of a relationship.  After 10 years you'll probably find out this 10 year heartache is not a mature one to build upon. 

You are enabling him and making yourself a victim.  Keep in mind making excuses is not going to change the reality of where you are at. . .unhappy and broken-hearted.  I'm guessing you are bringing your own unresolved issues that make you believe you have a good reason for staying in the relationship.  Review them.

He has his cake and is eating it too; all you have is the stress of a dishonorable courtship rolling down an "endless" road of emotional pain.

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