I'm facing a dilemma. I work with a man who is 12 years older than myself. I have known him know for 6 months. We started working together and then he left to go work somewhere else a couple of weeks ago.We have gotten along great since day one, and we still keep in touch. I've developed feelings for this man but I havent told him because I'm not sure that he feels the same. He called me today and said he his most likely coming back to work. I was thrilled when I found out. If he does come back I'm not sure if I should confess my feelings for him. He has been married for seventeen years. He has four children from ages 11-16. I think him and his wife get along well but I'm not sure. We flirt. He always would cheer me up at work if I was down. Tell me how amazing I was.He made me want to come to work everyday. I have dreams about him at night and sometimes daydream about him at work. When he left I felt like half of me left too. I cried and asked him to stay but he said he had to do it for his family. I told him I understood. i feel like if I dont tell him I will regret it forever but if I do and it goes the wrong way I will be so embarrassed and never be able to show my face again. When he left I gave him a card saying thank you for everything he has done for me. And that their are things that I wanted to tell him but i was scared. Later on a phone call and he brought it up. He said he understood and he was here for me anytme I needed him. Is it doing this to be friendly or because he feels the same? We work together so much in the restaurant industry that we become so attached to each other. but this situation is different. I have never felt this way in my life. Im so confused! Can anyone give me advice on what to do about this situation? I would greatly appreciate the input. And please be honest!
Hi, My thought on your situation is. The man is happily married, he told you. You said you flirt a little, both of you, everyone flirts, once in a will. I've been happily married for 37 years and I still flirt a little once in a while. That's what makes the world goes round. But that's as far as it gets. You call that friendship. You said, he made you feel like coming to work each day, now that's friendship. Now, if he feels something for you, let him come out with it. Besides, if you say something to him first. You might lose that friendship, if he does not feel the same way you do. Remember, he told you he was happily married. Friendship is the greatest treasure you can have in life. You would not want to lose that. Let him make the first move if he feels the same way as you feel for him. Remember what I said. If you loose his friendship, you'll feel lousier then you ever felt and then you won't want to come back to work and they need you there. So be nice, keep your cool. Just be the best friend he ever had. If there's something there, he'll let you know. Age has nothing to do with love. Thanks Myeagle101
I think this man feels everything you feel but is playing it very cool. He is afraid because he has so much at stake, He probably loves his wife but has lost touch. When you are in a working situation every day with the same person, it becomes two different worlds. The world of work can be an escape from the seemingly dull everday life with your spouse. The thing he needs to remember is, there are women that seem like they are kindred spirits, but it is , at least for the men, the thrill of the chase. For you, my dear, be kind to this man and forget him as a possible mate. He is going to regret his fall. And you will be hurt too. He is kind. That is why his wife and kids love him, even if everyone has come to take him for granted. You are a loving and sincere person, who needs to find someone who is free to love you back, don't waste your heart on an affair. It is the bitter taste you will live with the rest of your days.
S.N.O.T.S.
Snotsworth's Fair Lady Snots'quus
May The Horse Be With You !
Chef84 , Don't you think you deserve better than being some Man's Mistress ? This Man as told you he is happily married with children . Why would you even consider going after this Man ?? Why do you want to hurt yourself but more important his wife and children . A couple sayings come to mind , what goes around comes around and if they will do it with you they will do it to you . Leave this Man alone . Have more respect for yourself than trying to make yourself a Mistress . You are 24 years old have alot of life ahead of you , find an AVAILABLE MAN , to share your life with , you will be much happier .
I see you did not like Equus answer.I gave her 2 thumbs up . You are not going to like this. I am going to say this like a Father of daughters and a married man. I hope you are not really the selfish person that you sound like. You have no regard for this man his wife or his children. All I see in your question is Me,Me,Me. He told you he is married with children and he is happy. You want him to cheat on his wife and kids but then expect him to be loyal to you? Don't count on it. If he cheats with you he will be using you and will not leave his family. Equus is correct leave him alone he's told you he is married. He is off limits to you. Find a guy who is not already taken. Respect yourself.
Be honest and be true to yourself.
Chef84,
Everyone here gave you the best advice that you could get especially my friend Equus, I gave all of them 2 thumbs up. I noticed that they got 2 thumbs down for their honest answer. I don't know if you were the one who gave them 2 thumbs down because you were expecting them to tell you to go ahead and have an affair with this man. It's a good thing that you came to Yedda to ask for an honest advice. People here at Yedda are very caring, compassionate and for the most part, won't steer anyone in the wrong direction.
I am a 55 year old woman and you are 24. You are like a daughter to me because of your age. I don't have any children. If I had a daughter, and she came to me for an honest-to-goodness advice and she had the same problem like you have, I would tell her the same thing that the previous answerers told you. Please
leave that married man alone. He may make advances to you, but I think it's a part of being a man, sometimes they flirt or they are just plain nice and don't mean anything by it. You will ruin your life and will just be a mistress because these married men seldom leave their wives. They have a lot of history together, have children together and if they could get extra sex somewhere else, they'd do it for the fun of it, not because they are serious about it. Can you imagine ruining a family because of you and your selfishness? Can you honestly live a happy life knowing that you are a home-wrecker?
My advice to you is to keep this relationship on a friendly level, just be nice to him because he's your co-worker but you have to set limits. Control yourself and think that this man has responsibilities to his family. Put yourself on his wife's shoes. Would you be happy if some other woman tried to take your husband? As Equus said, practise the Golden Rule. Don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you. You came here asking for honest advices and that's what you got. You can give all the thumbs down you can but the truth does not change. You will become a Mistress to this man if you follow your emotions. This time, follow your reasoning power because it's the right thing to do. Emotions will get you into trouble.
Please forget your emotions for this man, you deserve a man who will devote all his love , caring, attention to you alone. And eventually, if you're lucky to find that man, you may become the wife, not just a Mistress.
Good luck to you and please listen to the people who are trying to guide you in the right direction. You will be a happier woman by doing the right thing.
DBLady & Wishful , 2 thumbs up .
ummm ok I think you shouldn't tell him. Why would you, he is married with children. I think if he wanted more he would of told you already. You don't want to the mistress nor do you want to be the cause their marriage fails. Woman should respect a man is married and vice versa.
Love is the battery of life....
Hi Chef84, -------- You received excellent answers, honest and brave (2 thumbs up each). I see another important angle: You fell in deep true love with the wrong man. He is happily married and there is no future in this relation….. it’s a clear dead-end ally, and it will lead you only to sorrow and heart pain (well and few stolen sweet moments) so, painful as it be (and it will be VERY painful, leave him and concentrate on finding the right person for you….. you sure deserve more than being a mistress that your man has to hide you all the time….. You are too young to ruin your future. Think what can happen if you stay: Broken heart + a baby to support…… alone !. Sorry !, I only wanted to make you see the truth. --------- Best regards,
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