Hello What does anyone think of this mess??? Hes 50 Im 36.Written to the brother of my boyfriend who I have been with for 6 years. All he does is yell at me and point out my faults doesnt see anything he has done to me.
I wish this was a good informative email, but it's sad to say it is not. You do not know me as you had mentioned before and I am sure you are very partial to your brother, and this is why I write to you. I will tell you a few things because I truly believe he needs some help. I can no longer be there for him. He wll not allow me too.
As you know I am sure, we were ARTIFICIALLY engaged when we were overseas, and that has been years ago. I have stayed with him knowing that it was not easy, but did so because I loved him. It has been 6 years I am waiting for him to make a decision which I never knew could be so complicated. He is 50 and just wants to take his sweet time. I think time is what killed this relationship. Your brother has not been honorable with me , my family, nor yours.
Its years into this relationship and he has never met one of my friends nor family members and vise versa never met anyone from him...no woman would accept such a thing. It's not normal.
I will never understand his logic, but he is so lucky I stayed.
I don't know if he has told you I live 2 hours away from him, but anyhow I took a job close to him just because he wanted me to find something in his area because that's where we would reside. I did...no complaints.
It's now a year later and I'm still driving.
I also have been going through surgeries the last year I have had about 6.
He was not once was there...I think because he for some reason feared my mother? I really do not know. But its unforgivable It doesn't make any sense to me. I do know however I have tried and tried with him from day '1' to meet everyone I know, but was never lucky enough for him to do so. My family here in the are is very involved with the community here and so there are many activities I have always invited him to ...he never attended.
I was honored for my work and there was a dinner to honor me....he never showed up.
If I was a casual girlfriend I would have easily accepted these hurtful things, but this was not the case.
I have spent the last 6 years with him...patiently waiting and constantly forgiving him for his faults.There are many that I just overlook.
I became pregnant he forced me to do things that should never have been done. But he threatened me and said if I didn't I would be raising a child on my own. He did though offer me transportation to have the procedure done. It was quite hurtful.
I complied because I loved him, I feared him not being in my life. I resent him for many things but never bring anything up to him...I put the pain away in a box and still wanted to continue to move forward.
But I bring these things up because he doesnt see the damage he has also done to me. There are many things simply not normal.
He also did some things while he was on his last visit that were unforgivable as well...I knew about it, but yet I still picked him up from the airport knowing all the wrong he had done. I decided to let bygones be bygones and start from a clean slate.
I have a forgiving heart....and since that time everything was wonderful. We decided that this was it were getting married...I don't know what happened when he was there ...who talked with him or what happened. But he came back a new person. Someone I just loved being around. We had fun and enjoyed our time.But as time goes by he settled in his old ways once again. Maybe he needs another reality check?
We were looking for a home to settle in together,and looking for wedding rings. He said he finally wanted to meet my mother! GREAT! After 6 years! Hope he at least told you these things. He is very very private and hides everything.
In our relationship I accused him of women. I accused him of pornography.I accused him of watching women on TV, how sick is that....I am not lying of one thing. I was engaged to someone from your area and did not tell him, I once left him in a restaurant because I didn't know how to control my anger, I thought he was always looking at other women. I feel ashamed that I did that. But I changed not completely but I am workng on it. I told him things that I should not have and I am GUILTY of my crimes. I looked into his bank statement to see where he was taking someone for dinner. Not nice again. He will still continuously remind me of my faults non stop. I looked into his past, regarding his ex relationships. I am so honest I don't have to be but I must to find a resolution. I just want everything to be OK. I looked in his long list of women he was talking to I AM GUILTY ...I was not perfect....I am so ashamed I did thise things,but he will say I had ONE problem. But to end it for ONE problem? Also him knowing I am doing something about it...but its still not enough for him. Nothing I can do to please this man...Nothing! But I can write a lengthy list of things that have been done to me intentionally. He doesn't see it........doesn't care.
He only cares of himself and whats been done to him. Could care less of my feelings.Never said I'M SORRY NEVER Too proud.
I had a problem with trust, but then again there were also reasons. He lied many times to me. Every couple has issues as you yourself told me. But he Unfortunately does not understand this. I have gone to the extent of going to see a psychiatric physician so I could take care of my issues so I could be 100% PERFECT for your brother...It was not enough. He still will not talk to me. Still slamms the door on my face. Talk to me through a crack in the door! Keep in mind this is someone I have spent 6 years with. It's sad, But no matter what I have said does not justify such treatment. I am having another major surgery next week I highly doubt he will be there for me ...he never has been.These are such stupid things to be SUFFERING over, but I cannot make him see this. I have always ME ME ME tried to save our relationship because I believed in us, and truly loved him for all of his faults. But my faults killed everything, at least this is what he will tell you.
We had an argument 3 weeks ago about the T.V. of all things. He was at my home and I commented on him watching some women dancing and I said aren't there a million other stations to watch. EXACT words. There it went! What I said was absolutely not right...but again I'm not perfect, and told him this. I apologized. But again he will PUNISH me! I think 95% of the time when I do these things is when I feel insecure...I feel unloved or ugly. Which he can make me feel in a second. My only real complaint I cannot live with is affection he shows 0.
Once he is mad he is mad and will stay mad forever. I by all means am not perfect, but in this relationship I am very close to being perfect and he will also say this himself. I have tried to make amends time after time....only to have the door slammed in my face....litteraly.
I am a respectable lady that never deserved any of this.
I am deeply saddened from all of this. If it was a legitimate reason to end things I will accept it. I have asked him time and time again to talk to you, to anyone for advice. I dont see the problem as big as hes making it. I pleaded with him. He doesn't talk and the anger just instills in him until he blows. This is the reason HE ended this relationship! Does it make sense to you? When I cry my tears are NOTHING for him, and I mean it.
IF we had any problems...which I can honestly say from my end there are few there was nothing serious...nothing. I have only been loyal and loving to him no matter what he has done to me. I never gave up. I was willing to share and give everything. I am settled and established. I believe that as long as there is no infidelity everything in a relationship is workable. But he is extremely lazy to work from his end.
I also asked him to invite you and your family many times for a visit. Even invited 1 of his friends I never met to have a gathering...NO WAY He said no. You know why he said no? Because for 6 years that I have known him there is no stability moving from one place to another living in different apartments. If you see how he has been living you wouldn't know its your brother. His home is filthy I am so sorry to talk like this. He lives in an area where it is very low class...police cars always there. I know it sound dramatic but I am truthful. I cannot believe I accepted such conditions.Beacause the way one lives is so important to me and he knew this. He never gave me better than that. He has never once not once invited no one to visit, because he is ashamed...I would be too. But yet he lets me come to stay there and be in that environment. I would tell him we can invite whomever you like to my home and that included you and your family. But he never had to live like this. Its not as if he does not have money. I have overlooked all these things,and again I could go on and on. There is a dark side and I do not know why.
But again I have bent over backwards for your brother and I mean it. I am easy going with so much. But for the one thing which he will say is my tongue he will condemn me as if he is god, and I am GUILTY.
I am seeking help for myself. I for a long time thought it was only me that had the problem...through my therapy I am no longer thinking this way. He is great happy go lucky guy with all until it come down to having a relationship on an intimate level. He doesn't know how to act.
He did everything wrong from the very start. I wanted to marry and had the best of intentions from the start. The sad thing about it is we have come this far and to just give up?
He just freezes and walks away I guess its easy for him. He tells me he loves me and says but love is not enough. I don't understand this statement I never will. Your brother can no longer crush my heart.
If he cant get along with me he will never get along with anyone. I am a smart woman who deserved much more than what he ever gave. People would give him compliments of me in front of him...But I was never appreciated.I am well liked and respected throughout the small community...I am sorry he has made me look like a bitch to your family though. I really tried Ibrahim...really. Maybe he can go back home and get married in six weeks where it has taken us 6 years.
He never gave anything. I gave everything and I am still giving. Because I believe its never too late.
He will sadly be missed.
