OronD,

you did not anger me in any way...I just wanted to give a clear picture of what We are truly dealing with. 

I tell you perhaps f i were a mother of only 2-3  and that was all the mothering i had ever done i may have a different attitude.  Our personal experiences color what it is we feel.   and had i not been privy to the KAOS that the 3 other neices and nephews can cause before hand i may have been optomistic about the nuber of children....as far as inviting the children of cousins....who live more that 12 hours away  all 6 of them live in another state  according to emily post we are also responsible for their travel and lodging.

We are having an engagement party, I said that that would be the test for the wedding...as only the close family on his side....and the close friends that take the place of a non existing close family on my side...basically we are splitting the costs 50/50 and the guest list that way as well.  For the most part, the majority of the guests that I will be inviting are friends that have taken the place of my family. 

In alot of ways i am hoping that the neices and nephews that comet ot the engagement party totally misbehave as i expect them to....I also have set up the seating chart so as to put all those with children together and away from  ME.  My children will be sitting with their second set of families...each of my children have been sort of adopted by another family due to the medical issues i have faced over the past 4 years.   I am a breast cancer survivor x2,  I was involved in a severe car accident last spring and sustained a head injury which is the equivalent of a mild stroke, which makes the stress that I am experiencing too much for me to deal with at times.

When it came time to choose the attendants, my fiance' tried to add 3 extra brides maides for me...I accepted his sister...after all she is his sister...but unfortunately the other 2 women he tried to have me have are his brothers wives...again leaving noone to keep an eye on the precious kids...

I had to inform him that since we were not having a 300 person wedding a 9 woman bridal party is far too large.  he thought it would be his sister and his sister inlaws and that was it....I informed him that he does the guys and i do the girls.....or we could trade.....I could choose the guys and he could choose the girls.  After all I am a mother of 4 sons. and 2 daughters.  I am not putting my daughter in the position of having to travel from out of state and purchase bridesmaide appropriae clothing, I have done nearly anything i could do to make things affordable for everyone.   I chose a color in general,  asked my 3 close girlfriends that i have been frieds with since jr high and elementary school,  I said the color is pink for the bridesmaides  they can either agree to get one color or each have different colors, they do not have to have matching dresses.  my maide of honor has the choice of wearing pink or green  of her choice...and the dress of her choice.

The reason we are having aan engagement party rather than just a wedding and saving the money for the wedding....is becasue my fiance' had been engaged for along time to someone else  we are both on the small size, and I would be heart broken to show up to the wedding and have someone say oh i didnt know  sue changed the color of her hair.   also i thought it was important for him to meet my friends....we traveled in separate circles....and i have repeatedly asked him to join any things that i was doing with my friends but there was always some reason or another that he couldnt come along to get to know the people that are also important to me.   those that helped me go through chemo and helped me get through my head injury.   he has heard of them...but has never met them.  The vast majority of my close friends are men.  I have only 3 close girl friends.