when kids move back home ... 19 yr old daughter questioned college being the right place for her the beginning of her 2nd year, she really struggled through the first year. We figured it would be best to support her and her decision to take leave rather than continuing to spend thousands on an education she was unsure of, and not making a priority. So she took leave from school and moved home. She does suffer from depression and anxiety and is seeing a therapist. I'm both frustrated and sad that she blames me, mom, for her problems and says I'm too controlling.
She is an adult living at home, but is not contributing financially or by helping with chores other than doing her own laundry. She says she wants more freedom, yet the only limits I've set down at this point are be home by 11pm on weeknights, midnight on weekends ... this is because I work, get up early and she's noisy when she comes home which wakes me. I also care for a toddler at my home a couple days a week, so in working around his nap schedule, I need the house to be quiet between 1-3 in the afternoon ... this means she needs to get up early enough to shower before 1:00 in the afternoon ... however, she often doesn't get out of bed til noon or so (this may change now that she finally started a new job).
What are reasonable expectations in this type of situation? Are curfews reasonable? How much is reasonable to expect her to do as far as household chores? We haven't asked her to contribute financially yet because we feel she needs to be able to put some money into savings in order to afford to move out ... yet she's already talking about having her hair done (even though it looks great), and she spends over $100 when she gets her hair cut and colored.
After being home for 2 months, she finally got a job. It's only her 3rd day and she's unhappy, wants to quit, and blames me for forcing her into taking a job she doesn't want.
http://www.compatiblelives.com/
Reasonable Expectations!
Yes, my dear, you've got it right. We raise our kids so that they can grow up into responsible, self-sufficient adults. We try, but sometimes we fail through no fault of our own.
Maybe your daughter's expectations are unrealistic. Maybe she does not realize that the promise of happiness is not achieved easily. That sometimes we have to forego the promise of fulfillment and struggle to achieve the minimum. For, as you must be aware of, life ain't no rose garden.
Generally speaking, I think you're on the right path as far as your expectations. Your daughter has to learn what life is all about. May I suggest that you go to my website, check out the recommended book and read Chapter 17, "I Don't Want to Argue With You" which reflects a similar situation as the one you have with your daughter.
Got an answer for dfitz0321? Would you like to comment on the posted answers, or vote for the one which you think is the best?
Sign up for a free account, or sign in (if you're already a member).
Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:
Other people asked questions on various topics, and are still waiting for answer. Would be great if you can take a sec and answer them
