Will i ever find real love

I think that you have some insecurities that you need to deal with. Just as you said, you are the one that is pushing the other away and ending the relationship, so this means that it is not something that is wanted on the other end. I would suggest looking for someone to speak to. Psychologists are great for listening and giving good advice. I think that you would definitely benefit from it. Good luck!

you must first love yourself before you can love another. I know personallly, first hand how devistating physical injuries can affect your self perceptions.

I' like to take some time to really give you the best answer you deserve. I'll come back here in the morning and finish this.

Just remember this, you are doing the breaking up which tells me someone isn't as aware of your physical injuries as you are. We are our own worst critics.

I will be back to finish this. Until then, find blessings in today and I assure you, you will find happiness it's within your reach..all you have to do is move a few hills, not mountains..

Try to dwell on your talents, not your unhappy experiences.  Can you cook well, or grow beautiful flowers?   Can you discuss some book you've read in such a way that others will want to read it too?  Are you good at dancing, needlepoint, drawing, swimming.....or something I haven't though of?  When I feel sad about my own past horrors, (not the same as yours'....but nightmareish enough in their own ways), I think of two other types of people, whose lives will always be shadowed by their pasts, (and possibly, their present) -- which are FAR more nightmarish than either you, or I, ever have or (hopefully), ever will experience.

The first type of person is a WWII Holocaust survivor.  Those people must have horrenddous things in their subconsciousness minds....yet, most of them are able to function normally, and outwardly are happy people.....

The second type of person is a Southeast Asian peasant, working in a rice field.  He or she (probably) has nothing else to look forward to BUT working in that rice fieled, for the rest of their lives...or at least until their strength gives out.  Or a Cuban sugar-field worker.  It's worse, of course, if you happen to live in the national nightmare that is called Communist China or North Korea.  Intelligence, in this case, only leads to frustration...........a horrible existance, no matter what you think of it.

So....count your blessings.....AND YOUR TALENTS!   After all, in the 19th century, there was a little boy, in the USA, who's wonderful mother died when he was 9, whose father sent him out to poor paying, rough jobs, who, when he got older, was left high and dry by a dishonest business partner, who ran for the US Senate, and failed, and whose great love died before they could get married.  THAT MAN WAS ABRAHAM LINCOLN!   I bet you can find lots of people who went "Up From Adversity".   Maybe, like them, you and I are the lucky ones, because we've had adversities which, in the end, have made us kinder, more thoughtful, and stronger!

As they say, "If Winter Is Here, Can Spring Be Far Behind?"

Here's hoping!

PS.  There is a website you might want to look at.  It's a FREE dating website, and its name says it all: www.SweetOnGeeks.com .  Think of your smart MIND / and leave your failings BEHIND!   : )