Sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner and I won't waist your time or mine finding excuses, I don't have any. Perhaps, If one is raped at an earlyer age, the age of unawareness,such as I. There is a different sort of trama for that person for the rest of their life, bet it would be nice to hear what a shrink has to say about early childhood rape, not only pertaining to females but also males. Me I grew up in a household with a crazy, insanely jealouse mother who thought that my father "F''ked every woman in town. Then when into a home for boys where mostly females ruled the roost,guess it is no wonder that I have never jelled in male to female relationships, But have always had a stronger attachment for men, as they were more understanding than the early bitchy women that help to shape the child into the future man. So as I see it, It took me a whole life time for me to figure out that those early, formative years were the bases for bisexuality,that I couldn't or didn't want to see. Guess, Us men fall in love with our penises, more so than women fall in love with their vaginas, and this difference help us to overcome early childhood rape. Perhaps, You too need to fall in love with your lovely vaginal flower, your vagina, instead of hating it, for to hate any part of your being is to hate all of yourself. So I would say that your healing first must come from within in a renewed sense of self-love, then and only then will you find the self-healing that you want and so baddly need.