Paranoid or is he cheating? I'll try to make this as brief as possible but please bear with me. My b/f , (who I will refer to as "L" ) and I have dated for 3 years the last year off again on again. About a year ago a female "aquaintance" I knew from work (who I will refer to as "M") began contacting me and we would ocassionally converse, online or by phone. She was aware of my 2 year relationship with "L" but as far as I know she and my b/f had never met. But I started becoming a bit suspicious about a year ago when I began to notice many many odd little coincidences involving her and my b/f from different conversations we had, incidences, his behavior, ect. My b/f had been married twice and he claims his ex wives " cheated". He has trust issues and has made the statement "all women lie. He would also ocassionally accuse me of cheating. "M" had been married for 3 years, and is unable to have children. Several years ago her first and only marriage ended when her husband came home one day and told her he didn't " want to be married any more" then immediately married the woman he had been cheating on her with. Since "M's" divorce several years ago, every relationship she has been in, the men have left her for another woman. Her last LTR ( not quite 2 years) her b/f, after telling her he would never marry again, suddenly ended the relationship one day and a few days later she learned he was engaged to be married to another woman. Knowing he was engaged and living with his fiance, she would continue calling him, leaving messages for him which he wouldn't return. He finally had to ask her to stop calling. "M" desperately wanted marriage and children. "M" would make ocassional odd statements to me regarding my b/f saying things such as " he'd probably like someone like me" ect. Two years into my relationship with "L" I began noticing subtle things, mainly all of these " coincidences" which always seemed to involve "M". I'm normally not a suspicious person but these little " coincidences " were difficult to ignore. When I finally became almost 100% convinced there was a good possibility something was going on I decided to confront him with this and of course he denies even knowing who this person is. His only response is to call me a "nut case", or "paranoid" His behavior ranges from hot to cold, has occassional "disappearances" - by that I mean he makes himself unavailable, sometimes going weeks without initiating any contact ect. ( plans to go out or plans to see each other) when in the past he was contacting me at least weekly and we were seeing each other at least twice a week. He has many times accused me of cheating. These are only a few of the many " coincidences" which seem to involve this one person "M". I'd just like others opinions on this. 1.He invited me to come over one night for dinner and asked me to stop on my way to get steaks for the grill, salad ingredients and bread. I spent approx. $70. He always keeps a bottle of red wine in his refrigerator for me and knows I ONLY drink red wine. He doesn't drink wine at all. That night when we sat down to eat he never offered me a glass of wine. When he opened his refrigerator door I noticed a new bottle of red wine, then another bottle - of white wine. He started to shut the refrig door again without offering me a glass of wine which he normally does. When I questioned him about the white wine in his refrigerator he told me he thought I might want to try white for a change ( knowing I don't drink white wine ) And he doesn't drink wine at all. A few days later "M" - in one of our conversations mentioned to me that this particular wine - was her favorite white wine. Nothing unusual about that, many people I'm sure drink that same white wine, but it made me think of the bottle of white wine my b/f had " bought for me". 2. In one of our conversations she talked about how much she loves hamburgers - one of her favorite meals. I thought at the time it was a little odd when she seemed to go on and on talking one day about the best hamburger restuarants in town and even mentioned a couple different places she goes where my b/f and I had gone to eat. Oddly a few days later and then for the next couple months off and on, every time we went out to eat my b/f suddenly kept mentioning how he was in the mood for a good hamburger - when before this he NEVER ordered hamburgers when we went out to eat. 3. My b/f had made some CD's to listen to in his van and would play these CD's for me, pointing out one which he said reminded him of me. And about the same time began talking about one particular band. Music which he normally didn't listen to. But every time this particular band came on he would turn up the volumne and tell me how this was one of the greatest bands ect. Coincidentally a few days later "M" mentioned to me that someone had made her a CD of her favorite song - by this very same band. 4. Because my b/f has a lot of driving to do during the day with his job, he doesn't care to drive far when we go out. We usually decide where we'll go before leaving his house, drive directly there and then directly home. On 3-4 different occassions, he couldn't seem to make up his mind where he wanted to go which was unusual. So each of these 3-4 separate ocassions we drove around looking for a different place to go to eat, but we always , I noticed seemed to end up in one particular area, a city close by. We never actually stopped any where in this area, he seemed to want only to drive through, which I thought at the time was a little odd and unusual because after driving for a half hour or so ( to this same area) we would then head back toward his house and he would choose a restuarant closer to his home. I later found out "M" lives in this same city. 4. In another conversation with "M" she told me how she had taught her dog to " wave" using the commands, left paw, then right paw. Coincidentally a day or two later, when I was at my b/f's house, he wanted to show me a new trick he was teaching his dog. To shake on command using his left paw and his right paw. 5. My b/f and I had been argueing about something and had not spoken for about 3 weeks. I had mentioned to "M" one day that my son was coming home for a week from college. A couple days later my b/f sent me an email saying nothing in the email except " I hope your son made it home" We hadn't spoken for several weeks so he had NO WAY of knowing my son was coming home. I had only told 2 or 3 people at that point, one of whom was "M". The other people I told didn't know my b/f and could not have possibly given him that information. 6. Another conversation with "M" she mentioned to me that some one had told her to use a specific technique to stop her dog from barking. This particular (but unusual) technique is used by a well know TV dog trainer who she specifically named. Several days later my b/f and I were at his house watching TV. He told me he had taped an episode of this very same TV dog trainer. He put the tape in for us to watch and it coincidentally turned out to be an episode of this dog trainer using this VERY same unusual technique that "M" had told me " someone" suggested she try to stop her dog from barking. My b/f then even demonstrated this technique on his dog. A few weeks later I was at his house and we were planning to go some where. He wanted to shower first so while he was in shower he again put this very same tape in for me to watch a 2nd time. Then a few days later he again put this same tape, same episode demonstrating this technique, in his DVD player to watch a THIRD time. 7. In some of my conversations with "M" I also noticed which seemed odd, that she would use certain, specific words or different phrases which I had used in emails to my b/f. Not common words and phrases that you would normally use in casual conversations with someone. I had mentioned to my b/f one day in an email about these different " coincidences" A few days later "M" had made the very odd comment to me " people should pay attention to coincidences" My b/f denies knowing this person. Am I paranoid as he says or do I have reason to believe he is lying? I've even had the impression that "M" is deliberately " hinting" to me that she is seeing him. Opinions?
