OK, let me see - He was in control of the world for 10 years. He was happy, and participated in the family when he was home from the rig. Then, he left you to run the house, and tidy up; while he went back to his other world. You have children, and take care of them, and - Well; then it's your turn, because you start to awake; as an individual. So, you make a plan; and ask him. He says no, based on his distrust. now, he might have had a point. If he did, and it was a discussion; then he could have helped you figure out another course of action. Or, since it is a business venture; then you map it out strategically. Being partners, you should give, and take; work together. Maybe you rebelled. Maybe, you decided you were tired of being told what to do. Maybe, your sister said not to listen to him. You did lie to him, which isn't good. This made him tell you it would have been better if you had an affair, and ... he cried for a month (On the rig)? Hmm. And he was losing you (Control over you), and he threatened divorce (But didn't do it); and screwed someone else (Had an affair)? Oh, and you stayed. And he did it again. And you stayed. and he supported this other woman, and...
Oh; and if you all are still together in 2 years; you will stay together.
So - First; being a Supervisor/Operator of commercial pipe crews: You don't last long, with the guys, if you are crying. That's ruled out. Did the business do well?
You need him; and he does make good money, But, you want to be an individual. Just remember - he's the boss. that's what it says in the Home Ec book of the 1950's.
What's best for the kids? If you split up; they won't see him as much. But then, they don't see him as much now. He doesn't do their homework fulltime. He doesn't make them do their chores, or deal all the little growing up things - dramas, sports, hobbies.
YOU need to talk to a counsellor, and look at your self esteem. Then, when you have more faith, and love for yourself - decide if you want to keep being abused. You may have made some poor choices; but they were choices towards a positive goal - to grow as a human being, and to help provide for the family. And yes, you went against his wishes, and deceived him. His poor choices were self-centered; vindictive, demoralizing. And yes; he went against your wishes, and screwed someone else. Then, took money away from the family, to provide for this other woman.
I say - Get yourself together; and take care of the kids. Talk to someone. And after you do - The next time he comes home for holiday, tell him you've made an appointment for the both of you with a marriage counsellor. If he says no; then that pretty much tells you which way the 2 year hurdle he has set for you will go. He has made up his mind; so you need to, too. Since you are beat up on the inside, this might be hard to do, but you can do it.
I did.
