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My live-in boyfriend brought his 6yr old daughter ...

My live-in boyfriend brought his 6yr old daughter to visit. Language barrier is one problem and he now ignores any communication with me and any of my feelings. I feel there is nothing left because he can't understand when I try and talk to him. I am giving up and so very depressed. I cry every day. I don't want to live like this anymore. Is there anything you can recommend?  We are also have financial problems that he won't recognize.


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44 thumbs up

I think your boyfriend is the one to figure out what to do with his daughter if you have a job interview or a job, not you. Drop her off at his job for the hour or two.   Do things because you want to do them.  Don't wait for his appreciation.  Sometimes when I do things and want them to go noticed, I may say to my husband, "how about a thank you?"  He gets the point.  We should appreciate what each other does, even little things.  But, if he doesn't appreciate you in general, that is another problem.  Again, it sounds more like a roomate thing.  I am hearing that the daughter is the big problem right now.  He isn't being fair by not defining how long she will be staying.  Hmmmm, sounds like he might like it to be a permanent thing.  It's a wonderful thing for a parent and child to be close and bonded.  Sometimes we can get more attached to our kids because they are a part of us and we are very responsible for them.  It's ok if you aren't ready for this in your relationship.  Understandable.  You can tell him about that, but don't expect him to understand or accept that.  He may choose her.  Little girls can be sweet.  I have two grown sons and would have loved a daughter. Is there a possibility you can stop seeing her as competition and learn to enjoy her?  You can take her shopping, re-live your little girlhood.  You may grow to love her too. Most likely, the more love you show her, the more he will love you.   But, hey, if you are not ready for this in your heart and need more man time, that is up for you to decide.  Make a decision and go with it.  Don't feel guilty.  I am sure you will meet someone more compatible.  Give it some deep thought.  Good luck.  You are not wrong in your feelings.  It's what you are feeling and you have to act on it. 


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to marycatplus's answer
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9 thumbs up

listen to the signs and act accordingly, no matter how badly you hurt.  you will come out better in the long run.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
LOLDIS was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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I am confused.  You made it sound like the language barrier came when his daughter moved in.  Was it always there?  Are you feeling left out because he is focusing on his daughter?  That is a common feeling.  How long have you been together with him alone?  Perhaps you are feeling like you still need time to get to know him better without a third party there?  Well, it sounds like a very unhappy situation.  Personally, I'd pay your half of the bills and find someone you can communicate with better.  Ask him kindly to leave.  If you are still in love with him, then you'd both better learn one common language, and get some counseling for the communication issues and finances.  Set boundaries for how long the daughter will be "visiting."  If she's a permanent fixture, learn to love her or go back to my first option and move on.  It does kind of sound like he is using you more as a roomate than a gf.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
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My boyfriend and I have been together for just shy of 2 years and he is Spanish decent.  His english is very good.  His daughter is visiting from his country and does not speak any english. His daughter was visiting for 3 weeks.  He talked to his family and told me (after talking to them) another 3 weeks.  Now I found out its another month.  All I do is cook and clean.  I have her all day.  I set up an interview for a job and had to try to reschedule because I didn't know what to do with her for the hour.  When I told him all he said was "Why didn't you take her?"  I cut the grass for him, all he said was "Why?"  not thanks.  All I do and never a thank you.  All my feelings seem to be getting worse.  I try to think positive, but the more I try to convince myself it is going to be good I go right back to the negative.  He doesn't seem to understand my feelings or he doesn't care.  He just wants to give all his time and love to his daughter right now.  I'm sorry but that hurts. 


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to shyandnaked's answer
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He should be responsible and understand that he must give love to both you and his daughter. Going to marriage counseling might be a way of getting him to behave in a more responsible manner.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
jpalme was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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