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I am 37 and been with my husband who is 39 for 23 ...

I am 37 and been with my husband who is 39 for 23 years and have 3 lovely boys 11, 8 and 3 we also own and run our own business as I truely believe we were soul mates/best friends. I do love him and he says he loves me but wait for it.... he has been sleeping with prostitutes for the last 2 years. Our sex life has never been good or often and its a wonder I have three lovely boys but I had tried over the years - obviously not enough.... he says its only sex/relief from stress and its physical not emotional (he also does gym which I would of thought eased stress) etc and I said if that was the case couldn't we do it all the time and than he said its different because they are young, thin etc as you guessed it I'm not twiggy I was very big but so was he up to two years ago when we both had a lap band put in - I'm now the smallest I've been since my teens but still weight 89 kilos (should be 68). Is it just a mid life crisis - do I forgive him? do I let him keep doing it as I hate sex and am happy to live without it (I really only need it once every couple of months) - what do I do.... I'm so confused. Maybe I should do it too sounds like he hasn't fulfilled me either and maybe I will be better serviced by a prostitute. oh god what do I do.... I've always put my boys first - I'm a mother first I guess that shows - is two out of three really not to bad? is it a fairy tale to think you can have it all? where do I go from here.... Regards Heather


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OronD
5761 answers
8544 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi Heather,
No need to break a happy family for that.   No offence, please, but did 2 big mistakes:
1.  You neglected a minor problem
     and caused it to grow and be a
     major one.
2.  You put your children first (and
     neglected your husband).  You
     were unfair to him.....
Get quickly a proffesional counseling in a real attemt (by both of you) to bring your relations back to track.   It won't be easy but it is possible.  You have to be much more considerative to his needs (and not only to your needs !).   Going to prostitutes is a bad solution and a bad sign to your realtions. 
Best regards,
Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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our wow i havent had that type of reply yet.... god are you male or female - have you ever been through some one cheating on you????  Im trying not to take offence but need to know what experience you have had with it????
Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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OronD
5761 answers
8544 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
I am a male..... very experienced.   I don't want to expose my private life her at Yedda. One thing I promise you: I always write exactly what I think and what my intuition (+ experience) are telling me...... and there are many many people who took my advices solved their problems and were very thankfull to me. 
Best regards,
Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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thank you for your comments and i do find them fuel for thought - i do hope it all works out cause i love our family unit - but i dont know whether to stay for the kids only or work through it cause i want it or am scared of never having the family unit again... im so confused
Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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taligat
131 answers
82 thumbs up

Free as a bird, it's the next best thing to be.
Free as a bird.

Both of you need to decide if your marriage is worth saving. However, the first thing I would do if I were you, is to try and work things out in your mind. You need to do this with a professional person. Then see if your husband is willing to try and save your marriage. It doesn't sound as if he is willing to go seek help on his own, but I don't know his side of the story. All I can say, is it's not going to be easy, and there are many questions that have to be answered. 
Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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taligat was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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