I encourage you to be strong and react the way you do.I have never been where you been, but I can relate to the topic. troubled and not allowed to speak. Did you ever think of that.? when did you start to speak and be open.? Never ever stop to feel and talk!!! Keep talking and writing I think that is good and is therapy as well . TO abuse somebody means force somebody to silence. Even more so for a child. Shocked and helpless as little kids we are, we undergo a change as we are not developed in rightoughsness and maybe stop (emotionally)growing because of the terrible mistake adults do when they abuse, That changes everything.
Your husband, Im sure you love him but he hasnt been there He studied and learned from a book. He acts like you were his guinnipig, analyzing you. What is making him the expert. He also ought to be your best friend, that you can trust at all times.
Can you express your self to him, handle anger, sadness, guilt, emotionally so on ? Is he supportive in other ways.
You know you could do it without him. Maybe he thinks that you are depending on him. I know!!! when love steps in as a lifejacket (saviour)
and maybe we are not used to be loved, A man seem to take controle as we were nothing without them. Do what you believe in and walk towards your own goals in life to freedom and healing ( I mean, the inner scars) Good to be in contact with people talk , write, discuss with woman if you are able to.
or starting relationships with people that suffered like you..Never stop develope your own carachter, your own goals , your needs.
Dont let him be an obsticle.
If you love each other, maybe therapy together or something could make a diffrence. you ought to find a way where he can understand that he cannot have controle over you because in that case I believe, you are not halfway in the healingprocess when people are still abusing maybe not physically but emotionally and that shouldnt happen to a person like you.