Yes i have gotten a full check up and i have no physical problems with me. And yes i have had times when i felt really sad or depressed but from what i can remember i always knew why i was upset. I feel this time is different because any possible reason i can think of that has previously made me depressed but i dont feel those reactions towards those reasons at this point. It also has never lasted this long. I have wanted to consult a doctor but i cant here. I am in med school in india and the school i attend all the doctors are close knit and there is no such thing as patient confidentiality with the doctors here. The second i go consult someone, they will call my Dean, who will notify my teachers and family, and i cant have that here. The choice of life and death has not come across my mind so i am fine in that sense, and no sweating. The panic attacks are somewhat b/c when i cry i end up crying so much that i hyperventilate. The thing is my father is an alcoholic, my parents have separated and i know him leaving wasnt an issue b/c my brother and i couldnt have been happier. He had an episode when he came to visit me a couple months ago. He was unconscious so i admitted him. Through the doctors ive found out he lied about his medical history, saying he had one thing or another and it turned out he had nothing. After that i lost all faith in him, and now that im writing you this, it makes me think maybe it was this i just didnt feel this till i came back from my summer break. The worst part is i cant come to terms with him, i am the only one in my entire family including extended to talk back to him, no one else will. But everytime i think about this its not the only thing that makes me upset. Anything i think about makes me cry and it doesnt stop. i dont know what to do. Thank you so much for your advice, i honestly didnt know where else to go, this is the first i thought of doing this.
