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Hello, I'm in a 17year marriage and my husband just moved into my daughters old bedroom. She left for college in the spring. Sex has been on a downhill roll for three years sadly it has hit the bottom which means no sex at all. My fear is a divorce but don't know what to do about it. I love my husband but have no desire for sex.


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This may sound silly, but for some enjoying sex is a learned experience.  Even if you do not really have the desire for sex, you can learn to think about it and train yourself to enjoy it more. 

I was raised in a very religous family and it was very hard for me to go from "No... sex is wrong before you are married."  to "Oh now it is okay because you are married."  So I would say I enjoyed sex a lot less than most people my age when I got married.  What I did was change my mind set about sex.  Even though I was uncomfortable with having sex and really had no desire, I kept working on it.  I can't say that I enjoyed it all the time, but I saw such a difference in how my husband treated me outside the bedroom once we were having regular sex.  I began to think about sex more often, not the exact images of having sex, but the closeness that it brought us.  Sounds silly, but I kept practicing until I actually started to enjoy it.

 Good luck


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Thanks Country Maid that is sweet. I use to enjoy sex with my husband very much during my 20's and into my mid thirtys about 36 or 37 is when changes started happening for me and many reasons for that I'm sure. Maybe just boring, not feelings wanted, even rejected at times, normal stress of life also. My husband started having problems and would lose an erection during sex and I think this made me feel that I was not interesting to him anymore, I had a hystorectomy and well when the ball starts to roll down hill it just seems to pick up speed or add to lack of interest. Now that I'm talking to a women at least we can connect.  Most men will just say your marriage will end in divorce and it is so sad that we live in a world that thinks that sex is the thread that holds a relationship together. No wonder we have such a high divorce rate in the U.S. Thanks so much for your message.   Sincerely, Kim


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