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His parents will always come first

I am engaged but having second thoughts because I am worried his mother will end up driving me so crazy I will want a divorce. She is now planning a family vacation and I am not welcome. This hurts my feelings and he doesn't get it. He said his family will always come first. How can we work this out or are we just doomed?


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474 thumbs up

You are absolutely right and your second thoughts are totally valid. We only have to go back to the bible to see how a healthy married life should be led. It says there that a man shall leave the home of his parents and cling to his wife. That is the natural order of things. We move forward and not back. For your own well-being break the engagement and let him continue to put his family first. You have to get on with your life.


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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321 thumbs up

Life is lessons in love. No regrets. 

Break the engagement. A husband is supposed to put his wife first, then his parents. If this guy won't do it, you're clearly going to lose every time. Find someone who will put you first and at the same time, will not exclude you from his family vacations. I think youu should be proud of yourself that you were able to see that this wasn't a good situation before you tied the knot. I think you've saved yourself a lot of emotional heartache in the long run. Good luck!


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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7 thumbs up

Never say this is better than that, for in time both will show their worth.

Have you ever tried not making it a battle?  My family is very, very close.  When my boyfriend and I first got together, he had difficulties with my wanting to be there all the time and "putting them first."  The fighting about it only made it worse - the more I felt he was putting them down the more defensive I got.  I feel, and I could be wrong, that the more supportive you are of his relationship with his family, the more he will feel the need to defend you when they launch their attack.  Imagine you have a son you loved, took care of and developed a friendship and mutual respect for.  When he finds a girlfriend that means he has to defy you, stand up to you and never see you again just because of her?  I believe a mother naturally shows her claws when she feels threatened, and really there is no need for any feelings of competition because you both play very different roles.  This is my advice, and I could be wrong, but I think you finally realizing that it isn't a competition, and that you don't have to prove your value in his life to his mother will lead to a calm within yourself that can no doubt calm the entire situation.  Let me know how it goes...

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Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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Sorry, but run as fast as you can! My sister just went threw the same thing, 11 yrs. and 2 kids later, she has filed for divorce and yes, he is moving back in with "mommy". My sister's husband put his family first their whole married life, my sister threatened divorce before, he would stay away from "mommy" for a while, but then go right back. It was actually worse then him having another girlfriend. Run girl, Run.....


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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I am telling you that if you feel this way now it will only get worse. I am now divorcing my husband after 11 yrs and 2 kids for 75% of the same reason as your feelings and have tried to make him understand for years. Everyone he knows has agreed with me that she and his grandmother are nothing but homewreckers and he himself knows it but will never be strong enough to break ties. Save yourself now before it costs more later. I learned something after all this time that NO man is worth your tears and if he is he won't make you cry!!!!! Good Luck!!!!


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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43 thumbs up

If you are in love with him,I don't think you should let his mother drive you away. So, he's a momma's boy, I'm sure you knew that from the beginning. I think you should stay with him and just distance yourself from his mother. I don't like my mother in law and she doesn't like me, but I don't speak to her or see her and it's as if she doesn't even exist. Stop expecting to be included in things where his mother is involved. Why would you want to be around a person that doesn't like you anyway?! Focus more on your relationship with him and less on the situation with the mother.


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to dina1229's question
janissa10 was invited by Yedda to answer this question.