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sunnyBC

My 16 y/o daughter hates me! In a lot of ways we ...

My 16 y/o daughter hates me! In a lot of ways we're too much alike, and I know I criticize her way too often. She's very sassy, snotty, hateful and rude with me - especially in front of her friends. I have even felt the need to slap her a few times becuase of her mouth & attitude, which of course was done out of anger. I need to know how to show her I really do love her,....., and how to talk to her, give instructions, etc. without criticizing and angering her.

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criticism, parenting, parenting teenagers

# Posted 8 months ago
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kiwiguy

289 answers

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Try to give her space, where possible, but still set some boundaries for her. Parents and teenagers dont normaly get on, and will do things to annoy each other. To show her you still love her is just to put meals on the table for her, or keep them for her if shes not home. ask her how her days was when she comes home, if she seems to be feeling down ask if she wants to talk, basicaly what im sure you do anyway. the last point id like to make is if you feel your self loosing your cool walk away, and sort it out later. As im sure you know many very hurtful things can be said and done in anger, so best to avoid it. The goonews is she will most likely improve as she gets abit older.

Good luck with it.

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OronD

5769 answers

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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
No offence please but what you describe is poor relations. Instead of creating: love, understanding and open trustfull deep communication you (both) go in the hard (ugly) way (sorry !). You have to discuss it with her and reach some understandings. Set a meeting with her (preferably in a nice place, e.g: coffee-shop), prepare, in advance, exactly how and what you are going to say, what you feel and what you like your relations to be. The main purpose is NOT to blame and NOT who is right and who is wrong but how to bring back: love, respect, understanding, and good open communications between the two of you. Be smart and sensetive, don't let her feel that you are the BOSS and she has to obey, but rather make it on equal basis as two adults who respect each other. It might not be easy but it's a MUST. Go for it, the sooner the better.
Best regards,

Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )

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kiwiguy

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OronD, teenagers never have brilliant relations with there parents, and in my experience the best answer for this is time, not a chat in a coffee shop. Most teenagers I know would do everything they can to avoid being seen with their parents in public.

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OronD

5769 answers

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Love is the battery of life....

Hi Kiwiguy,
I wouldn't like to enter an arguement but I totally disagree (I do agree that teenagers might be problematic but things have to be in a certain frame and with mutual respect). I can give you many examples of great relations between parents and teenagers (and I can give you many examples of very fruitfull discussiong beteween parents and teenagers). I adviced to go to a neutral place because I felt that at home their discussion will soon turn to shoutings.... in a public place they'll have to restrict their behavior and therefore the chances increase...... Were you ashamed to sit with your mother at a coffee-shop / MacDonallds ? me not !, never....
Best regards,

Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )

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