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When I have to be around a group of people I get ...

when I have to be around a group of people I get extremely nervous and I don't know what to do or say, so I don't say anything which makes me appear to be very stand-offish, and most of the time those people will call me on it and say things like " you sure are quiet" or " smile" which makes me feel worse and more tense. please tell me how to be calm and actually initiate conversation with people or any advice at all. Thank you

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OronD
4522 answers
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,


You lack the skill of "how to behave in a company".  That's a very important skill and I advise you to learn and adopt it.  You can get a proffesional aid or:  Sure you have a friend that does it "naturally".  Tell him / her about your problem ask him / her to "help" you to "take you through it" to "make it easier for you"...... or just stand next to him / her and watch carefully how he / she do it.....  and imitate.  It might not be easy (specially if you are afraid of crowds) but it's a must.  You'll soon find that there are few very basic techniques: Something interesting to say, a nice joke, a special event, a nice proverb, an outstanding incident, ..... etc).....  really doesn't need much.....  Do you have a low self esteem ? low self confidence ? If the answer is yes better work on it !.
Best regards,
Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
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zuzak
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I think that you need to put yourself in a very uncomfortable situation, like taking up a debate class, where you have absolutely no choice but to speak and overcome your fears.  The only way fears can be overcome is by doing that which you are most afraid of.  I think that watching the movie 'The Dead Poets' Society' would be a great idea for you as well.  You may find it very inspiring, if you haven't already seen it.  Good luck and don't be afraid to try something that scares the hell out of you.  It will make all the difference.

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harryvan
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You would be wise to enrole in a public speaking course that will give you more self-confidence - something like Dale Carnegie. In that type of course you will be with the same group of people for about 15 sessions and each time you will have to give a two minute speech. I know people who went through this course and it did wonders for them.
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I feel exactly the same way you do plus I sometimes say such stupid things out of sheer nerves. Then the next time I come out as stand offish as I feel it would be better if  I don't say anything...What helps? Not expecting too much of myself and perhaps waiting a little while until I feel a bit calmer...
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