3 thumbs up

She needs closure

How can Stacy (Who is in her 50’s) stop reading into what her mom (who is in her 80’s) says.  In other words how does she stop reading between the lines and take what is said at face value.  Give details when you answer.

A few examples of what her mom would say:
(1) Aren’t you going to be hot in that blouse.  It is going to be a hot summer day
(2) Well what you are wearing is not nice. I cant let you go out of the house like that”*she said this when they were fighting
(3) People should wear what is appropriate for the weather” she said this when Stacy said well what would happen if I wore a material that might not be cool for the summer

Stacy doesn’t take the comments at face value. She hears things that are not said.  For example
(1) Her mother does not think Stacy knows how to dress
(2) If Stacy’s mom doesn’t like an outfit Stacy is wearing then Stacy hears it as her mother hates how Stacy dresses all the time
(3) If Stacy wears a blouse that might be long sleeve on a hot day her mother will make her feel that it is in appropriate to wear.

But at the same time her mother will say:
(1) The clothes you have are gorgeous
(2) Stacy I just want to tell you one more thing if I like what I am wearing I don’t care what someone else says.  The only time I care is if I am not sure about the item of clothing

Then When Stacy said “Mom I can wear any material in any weather I don’t get hot”
Her mother said: “You see I cannot”  (her mother said this in a way I cant wear it but I admire that you can)

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353 thumbs up

I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Stacy needs to stop over-thinking things and the mother needs to stay out of Stacy's life.


Posted 3 months ago ( permalink )
BethH was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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49 thumbs up

Does Stacy have low self-esteem?  That's what I felt when I was reading the actual comments against what Stacy "heard" her mother say.  As Stacy's friend, you might want to suggest Stacy take a long hard look at herself in a mirror.  Does she someone she likes?  Is the person Stacy seeing the mirror dressed well?  This could be the jumping off point for Stacy to begin building some self-esteem.

I hope this answer is helpful.  I know it can be difficult being around an elderly parent.  My mom and I lived together until her death six years ago.  There were times when we got on each others nerves, but it was a very rewarding time in both our lives.


Posted 3 months ago ( permalink )
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the mother is control freak.  the daughter has to take control, it will not be given to her.  i am positive the mother and daughter live alone, the mother doesn't want her daughter to find anyone but to be TOTALLY dependant on her.  any time the daughter shows any signs of independence or her own personality, the mother tries to demolish it in a big way.  also the mother is making her daughter wear things that are not attractive to others. in other words she would like to keep her locked up.  the daughter needs to assert herself - probably be a big show down but it has to be done.  also the daughter should stop asking her and start doing her own thing.  why not move out altogether.  it would not surprise me if the daughter is also suffering from depresseion.


Posted 3 months ago ( permalink )
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