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I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: I met a guy about 5 months ago. He was really nice and I continued talking to him. We went on a few dates and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We continued seeing and calling each other all the time. He ended up introducing my cousin to his best friend. So, we started going on double dates. We are all in our early 20’s. My boyfriend wanted to join the military and marry me. We were going to get married in a courthouse, but we decided to take a road trip to Las Vegas and get married there. One night we packed our things and got in my car and started driving. We took the longer route not knowing the GPS on my cell phone didn’t work correctly. We got really tired driving and I decided to stop at my Uncle’s house on the way to Las Vegas to freshen up. My boyfriend and I got really comfortable and didn’t leave my Uncle’s place the next day to get back on the road. We ended up staying longer than we were supposed to. My boyfriend needed to get back home by the end of the week. So, we made a change of plans and he told me that we would just get married in the courthouse back home and he would introduce me to his family. Meanwhile, back at home his best friend was very upset that we left and he told my family that he was going to cut us off the road.. He said that he didn’t want us to get married. He even called my boyfriend’s mother and had her worried sick. We finally got to my house and he went home.. A few weeks later he finally introduced me to his family. They were very nice and good to me.. Him and I were getting along great but he started changing his mind about getting married..He started text messaging and calling other girls in front of me at his house thinking that I didn’t know. Then I saw him looking at women on Craig’s list and communicating with them through email and by phone. My Uncle came down to visit my family and my boyfriend wanted him to fix his labtop. My Uncle spent two days on the laptop and my boyfriend was supposed to come back to go over what he did and my boyfriend never showed up. My Uncle and I got into a big argument. My boyfriend ended up calling me at 2am and asked me if I hated him. One day, I was at his house and he left me there at 2:30am on a Friday night. He told me that he was going to a friend’s house and he would be right back. He left and I got really mad and starting packing my things. His mother was trying to tell him not to leave that what he was doing was disrespectful and he still left. I was going to call a taxi and stay at a hotel because I couldn’t use my car because it was in his Uncle’s shop getting repaired. His mother begged me to stay and said I was the best thing that ever happened to her son and she didn’t want me to give up on him. She kept calling him to come back home and he finally did 4 hours later. I didn’t want to speak to him or even go near him. He apologized to me and told me to never leave him again. He said that he loved me. When my car was finally finished, I went home and told my mom everything that happened. She couldn’t believe it and told me I shouldn’t be with him. Even his Uncle told me that his nephew would continue to hurt me and I was wasting my time. One day he called me and told me to come see him he was at the beach with his best friend and I told him that I had enough gas to get there but not enough gas to get back. He told me not to worry that he would take care of it. I drove 200miles from my house to get to the beach in the morning. When I arrived there he told me that he didn’t remember calling me that he was drunk. I was soo mad at him that I told him that there was no way I was going to leave. He said that he didn’t have any money and he was with his best friend and his best friend’s parents and he wasn’t going leave who he came with and said that I needed to go home. I was so devastated that I didn’t remember to ask him for gas money. I just got in my car and started driving. Then I got to the gas station and called him. He was yelling at me and telling me to beg someone for money. That I’m a pretty girl and he was sure someone would give me the money. I told him I wouldn’t do that and he said just be a beggar and be homeless. I couldn’t believe it.. I was in a state of shock.. He was not the same person that I remember meeting. I found one of my credit cards that had a small balance and I used it to get home. I told my mom what happened and she couldn’t believe it either. His mother continued to call me to not leave her son that she will talk to him and try to get us together next week. So, he called me during the week very aggravated and with a very short temper. Then he started to tell me that he was sorry. He kept asking me what I was doing and where I was going. Then his mother kept calling me on Friday begging me to go to their house to go out with him and his family. I told my mom about It and she told me that I was a stupid fool to go back there and If I did she would pack her things and leave and trough all my stuff out in the yard. She was cursing at me and yelling at me. She made me soo mad that I ended up leaving. On the way there my Uncle called me and told me that he would never speak to me again if I went back.. I went there because I wanted to give my boyfriend one last chance. When I got there he was treating me fine. I needed his Uncle to finish some things on my car. We were on our way to the beach and my boyfriend’s grandmother started to say in the car that men like to tell a women that she is crazy until she believes she is crazy so the man can take her money. My boyfriend said that he was trying to do that to me. In the car he continued to tell me that I was crazy over and over again. He also confessed that when he was at the beach the weekend before with his best friend and his family that he didn’t stay at the hotel the whole 6 days he ended up going to another city. When we got back to his house I told him and his family that my mom kicked me out of the house. He got soo upset and said it was too late that too many people were in our business. Then he started to be mean to me again. He would insult me in front of his family and friends. His grandmother told me that her grandson was going to continue hurting me that I need to stop seeing him. While I was waiting for my car to be finished his mom and him wanted me to start looking for a job near there house and I could live there with them. I applied for some jobs there and went back home. I got a call back for one of the jobs and had an interview. I got a call from my boyfriend and I told him about the interview I was going to have the next day. He told me that he would call me the next day. So, the next day I went to the interview. After the interview I waited for his call and he never called me so I went back home. He called me the next day and I told him I was in his area for the interview and he got mad at me and said that I should have called him and went to his house. He said that he forgot about the interview. At that point, I just felt that if he couldn’t remember that I had the interview that he had other things on his mind besides me. I had a second interview scheduled for the next day and decided not to go. I stopped calling him. I just had a very bad feeling about the whole thing that I didn’t want to continue to get hurt. I did everything I could to help that guy. I helped him with his resume. I helped him find a job. I cooked and cleaned for him. I ironed his shirts. I helped his brother with his homework. I let him borrow money. I never cheated on him I was very honest with him. I did everything that I possibly could to make it work. I just decided to stop talking to him and I walked away from the whole thing. Do you think I made the right decision?


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225 helpful answers

Home improvement projects, "Get'er done."

Absolutely! Kick his a## to the curb. There are plenty of men out there that would love to have a woman like you and would treat you like you should be treated. It is up to you to ensure that you are treated with respect. Don’t be one of those needy women that acts like she’s going to die if she can’t have that man. His mom wants you to be there for him because she knows that you are a good woman and she thinks that you would be able to take care of her stupid son and change him. That will never happen. Let me be the one to tell you, if you stay with him he will at the very least, verbally abuse you and turn you into a needy robot to be at his beck and call. Grandmom knows how he is and I’m saying it, “she warned you.” Be strong. Be blessed, and move on.

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5 helpful answers

You did the right thing by breaking up with him. (Its my hope that you broke up with his family too -- they may have been good to you, but if you want him out of your life completely, you need to break up with them as well.)

There are a few things you need to realize.

He left a crystal clear paper trail of the other girls he was talking to. From texting/emailing in front of you, to having your uncle "fix" his computer with all the guilty information on it. By leaving this trail, he was either trying to break up with you by pushing you to make the first move, or he was testing to see how compliant you would be with his indiscressions.

Your family loves you, and when they refused to speak with you, that was probably their last resort. They couldnt pull you from the toxic relationship, so that was tough love.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel special ALL THE TIME. Not when its convenient for them, not when you're feeling sad, not on special occasions... -- ALL THE TIME. Helping with the dishes, holding a door for you, random genuine unique compliments. These should not diminish over time, either.

And finally -- when you've healed and are ready to move on, set your standards high. Take it from a person who's been in enough bad relationships... Being picky doesnt mean you'll be alone forever. It really doesnt take any longer to find a good guy. It just means you get to turn down the bad ones faster :)

 

 

Thanks for the advice!

 
1 helpful answer

....you made absolutely the right decision to walk away.

Good luck in finding happiness in the future. :)

 

What dosen't kill you makes you stronger. Call me Sampson

Thank God you dumped his sorry butt.  I am speaking from experience - I did more stupid things for "the sake of my marriage than even I believe.  It may take you some time to heal but men or women that say I love you one minute and disrespect you the next don't know what love is and you are better off.  I don't care who you love - love yourself more.

 

Stay away from him.  He is bad news and you deserve much better!

 
4 helpful answers

dump this jerk and learn to like yourself better.

 
4 helpful answers

If you have hope in life, you'll be able to accomplish the incredible.

You did the right thing. Good luck in finding happiness and i wish you all the luck in the world. I hope you don't have to go through another situtaion like this again.

Pray to GOD. HE will ALWAYS be there for you no matter what.

Stay Positive =)

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