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I need advice, what would you do in my situation?

I need help figuring out my life. So right now I'm living with my boyfriend in another state. I actually live 10 hours away with my mother. My mother doesn't know I'm living with my boyfriend right now. She thinks I'm at a convention with my sorority for the summer. I was planning on returning back home once school starts up again but while I was here I decided to foster a dog to past the time while my boyfriend was at work. My problem is that I fell in love with the dog and what to keep her. I can't keep her with my mother because my mother has 2 dogs already and they don't like the new dog. I can't keep her with my boyfriend because he works long unexpected hours and travels at short notice. I also have another problem. I need to take out a $13,100 student loan to fund for my education back at home because my mother doesn't want to take out another parent plus loan. I maxed out my federal fund and I think my only option left is a student loan. I don't want to be in debt forever so I don't know whether or not I should take out the loan or stay living with my boyfriend and adorable dog and go to a cheaper school here. One of the things that is holding me back from making this decision is thinking about all the things I'm going to miss out on at my home state and college, I don't know anyone else but my boyfriend in this state, my whole family, friends and life is back at home and I might decide to leave it all for a dog. How to tell my mother I'm not coming home, tell my new sorority sisters I'm not coming back, and break it to my roommate that I'm not going to be living with her this year. Also, I don't know if I can transfer all my credits to the new school of my choice or even if I get into that school

 

How would you handle this? What would you do in my situation?


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you know i am going threw almost the same problem im only 18 but ive lived with my  mom since i can remember lol and my boy frind asked me to move 4hrs away from home i said no then i came down here for pring break and loved it honestly what i think you need to do is dont think about what other people want think of what u want if u want to saty with your boyfriend and adorable puppy then so be it but if you want to stay with your mom ok plus sometimes cheaper is the way to go in schools

Posted 2009-08-15T19:06:43Z
 
1 helpful answer

 It appears that you may have just reached the age of independence; hence your impulsive and indecisive decisions making. You have not researched schools in the new state where your "boyfriend" lives; which is a must along with continuing YOUR education. The cost to attend a new school in a new state IS MORE EXPENSIVE! You will be charged out-of-state tuition and yes all your credits may not transfer as well as the degree that you are seeking may not be offered at the new institution. To compensate for lack of funding research scholarships, internships, work co-ops/ work study opportunities to generate additional funding for your education. A full or part-time job is also an option. Utilize your sorority by asking your sisters for information relative to monies for school and employment opportunities. You problem is you are concerned about everyone else rather than yourself. You cannot please your boyfriend, your mother, your roommate, your sorority, or the dog all while neglecting to do what is best for your academics and career. You did not mention your contribution to the household with the young man. Your little vacation and free ride for the summer is certainly not a permanent situation.

Being dishonest to your mother needs to be addressed; certainly you do not expect her to fund your schooling while cohabiting with a male and not taking any responsibilities for your own life. In the same manner you do not want to acquire enormous debt with student loan is the same reason your mother prefers not to participate further in the parent plus loan program. You are not providing for yourself but you are responsible for a dog. It is very much on the same line as young ladies having children much too early to compensate for other areas of their lives; when the main focus is education, sustaining independence and responsibilities for yourself first and foremost. You should have used your summer in a more active and productive fashion. You should and could have truthful involved yourself with positive events that fostered your resume, self-worth, and sorority.

To live life with the minimal regrets continue school where you started. There is always a chance that it will not work out which you have not factored into your plans. A 10 hour distance is not much distance at all. You mention a roommate; therefore I take it you reside on campus. Look into moving off campus as a way to cut school expenses and a way to bring the dog back to you home state all while completing your education and while being the environment that is dear to you. Also ask the abundance of family, friends, and schoolmates if they have a home for the dog in your original region. If the dog is truthfully the reason for your dilemma!

Posted 2009-08-19T20:03:19Z
 

Surprised OMG!  YariT.....As I was reading your posted question there is one thing that was very clear to me; You have the ability to take your situation and break it down into sections so you can assess each one. In other words, " You are an intelligent young woman".  After reading it over a couple of times I don't think it's as complicated as it sounds. I'm sure your not looking for a lecture on the responsibilities of maturity and knowing the difference between right and wrong, but I think if you are honest with yourself you must realize you are in this situation because of the choices you made.....beginning with not attending the convention with your sorority and going to your boyfriends instead....adding to that you chose to lie to your mother about it. I will try to keep my answer simple and to the point...GROW UP, PAY ATTENTION, BE ACCOUNTABLE , you screwed up, however, it is not too late to get back on track.....Life is what you make it and it's made up of choices that determine the course of it. Some of those choices will knock us down but won't leave permanent scars only some minor bumps and bruises and give us the opportunity to learn valuable lessons we can use in the future, but in every one's life there are the one's we make when at that "fork in the road" that become critical to the make-up of our life. Make no mistake...you are at one of those crossroads, this is about more than "being attached to a dog", or moving away from your friends and family, or even transferring to another school....I can offer my opinion, but ultimately it's you who must decide your future...and you who must then live in the reality of those choices. My advice would be to return the dog to the shelter or wherever you got it from and kiss your boyfriend goodbye and go back home. I think you need to examine your goals and be sure they are YOUR GOALS, and then be a participant in reaching for them and working to achieve them.  All the other fragments mentioned in your question will likely fade once you know where you want to be.  It would be sad and unfortunate to wake up 1 year from now in a broken relationship, no means to support yourself ...( or your dog ), with your education ( and future ) in jeopardy....and no friends or family around to help you!!  This is really one of those situations where many of us will look back on and say to ourselves..." I should have listened to my parents, or my teachers" You are still young and yet you are entering into a new phase of your life, it's scary and confusing sometimes as we teeter between being dependant upon our parents and our eagerness to cut that that cord and go out on our own, and much of what we will face on that journey holds wisdom you can only obtain by learning the hard way and doing it yourself...if your lucky enough and blessed to have the love and support from those who have made that journey already then don't be a fool...use it to assist you because you have a better chance to build a stronger foundation for yourself and allow room for error. I didn't have those opportunities; as a teenage mother with no support I didn't have the luxury of making goals for myself, my goal was to just get past another day and teach my son the one thing I didn't understand when I was younger..Don't let Life Happen TO YOU, Make Life What you want it be!!   Good Luck....Be Smart...and let us know how it's going...whatever you decide....BE TRUE TO YOU.....

Posted 2009-08-24T05:49:05Z
 

If you don't try you'll never fail... but you'll also never succeed.

First, PLEASE do not leave everything you know for a dog! You don't know if things with your boyfriend will work out and if they don't where does that leave you? That leaves you in a worse situation than the one you had to begin with. Believe me you don't want to be "trapped" if anything happens and going to a school there will TRAP you. I think you should find someone to take the dog back at home if you want him so badly. I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend but he isn't permanent and neither is your dog. Your family is permanent and although you'll have student loans to pay off at least you'll have the job to pay them with.

 

I don't know how much longer you have in your school but maybe you should wait until next year to think about moving in with your boyfriend. Living with someone for a summer is much different than living with one for a year. Believe me on that. My husband and I just got married last week but we have been living together for a year because we have a daughter together. It's hard but it works if you are patient and have a reason to stay when things get harder. I had a daughter for the harder times but I don't think a dog would have helped me stick around if that's all it was.

Posted 2009-08-27T01:15:16Z
 
3 helpful answers

Communication is key.

you need to do what you think is right for you. period!

if i were in your situation, i would first look at all the units i took at your school and see if you can transfer them to the new school. if so, then keep finding reasons to stay with your boyfriend. make a list on a sheet of paper with your "pros"(on left) and "cons"(on right). see what weighs out for the better or worse, and make your choice. life is about taking risks, making decisions and choices. if you really think you can handle being a full time student and living with your boyfriend, take that road. you really need to think about, will i finish school on time if i stay here with him or maybe the best bet is for it to be cheaper.

in your situation, i would probably stay with my boyfriend. i know i can handle it so i would stay, but dont let yourself fall behind if you choose that path.

good luck to you YariT! i really hope for the best!

=]

Posted 2009-09-03T19:33:54Z
 

Many people are not only convinced that the environment is dangerous, but that it is steadily growing more so. For many, it’s more of a challenge than they feel up to. The fact of the matter is, however, that the environment is made to appear much more dangerous than it actually is. A great number of people are professional dangerous environment makers. This includes professions which require a dangerous environment for their existence such as the politician, the policeman, the newspaperman, the undertaker and others. These people sell a dangerous environment. That is their mainstay. They feel that if they did not sell people on the idea the environment is dangerous, they would promptly go broke. So it is in their interest to make the environment far more dangerous than it is. The environment is dangerous enough. At one time an idea was put forth that certain societies did not advance because the environment lacked sufficient challenge. One of those advancing the idea was English historian and philosopher Arnold Toynbee (1889–1975) who felt that areas such as Mexico did not progress for that reason. Toynbee’s idea on this, however, was born in an ivory tower environment, sitting in libraries reading books, but never going out and talking to any Mexicans. So Toynbee pronounced with great conclusive exclamation points followed by innumerable university degrees, “The reason the Mexican does not succeed is he has insufficient challenge in his environment. The reason South America isn’t an up-and-coming industrial power is insufficient challenge in the environment. The reason the African has not progressed further in civilization is because his environment has insufficient challenge.” What did Toynbee know of it? He spent all his time in the back end of a library, reading books written by men who had spent all of their days in libraries! That is no way to learn about life. In the Philippines, for an added example, a bold, energetic white man arrives and he advises the native Igorots – a tribe which inhabits the northern mountainous region of the Philippines. He says, “If you will just cut a pathway from the village down to the river, then take a bullock cart down to the river in the morning and fill up a water tank and bring it back to the village, your women won’t have to be making that long walk to the river. You should engage upon this public works project at once.” He becomes absolutely outraged that they don’t immediately act on his suggestion and he goes away, thinking, “Aha! Those people have insufficient challenge in the environment. Nothing for them to measure up to. No ambition. Not like us in the West – we have challenge in our environment.” This man had challenge in his environment? Mama spooned Wheaties into his mouth, Papa wrote all the checks as he went through college and his way was paved in all directions with machinery and vehicles. His environment was already licked, so of course he could afford to be bold. But what really is the environment of the Igorot as he sits by the fire, listening to the white man tell him how he has to cut a path to the river? This Igorot has a little boy, whom he loves very much, but he knows this little boy has only a slim chance of living until he is seven due to disease and bad food. He knows that when the rains come, they won’t just be pleasant light rains; they will flood every seed out of the ground and pound the fields to pieces but if he can salvage anything out of that, maybe he will live a few more months. He knows all he has to do is walk under the wrong tree and get hit by a poisonous snake, and that will be the end of him. In other words, he already knows he cannot live, so why try? In other words, the challenge of the environment is absolutely overwhelming for many people. But does this mean there is no challenge in the environment in the more “civilized” parts of the world? By no means. Consider the situation of a young artist from Terre Haute, Indiana, who moved to New York City. The casual observer might say that he moved because there was no challenge in his environment in Terre Haute. No, here again, the challenge was too much. This fellow decided to become a painter in the first place because he couldn’t face working in the feed store with the same fellow who beat him up during kindergarten, beat him up during grammar school and beat him up in high school. The thought of having to work with this fellow every day was just too much challenge for him. So he became an artist, but nobody in Terre Haute bought paintings and nobody believed in what he was doing. He had no future there; he was facing continual starvation, he was unable to contribute to his community. That was a very hostile environment. So he moved to a friendlier one, Greenwich Village. He would rather starve to death quietly in Greenwich Village than be threatened to death in Terre Haute, Indiana. We come to the conclusion, then, that any individual – whether white, black, red or yellow-if he has not been able to achieve his own destiny, must be in an environment that he finds overwhelming, and his methods of taking care of that environment must be inadequate to his survival. His existence is as apathetic or as unhappy as his environment seems to him to be overwhelming. Why then would people go out of their way to actually make the environment appear more dangerous than it already is? SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTERS Need help? We are ready to help you resolve problems in all areas. You can count on a Scientology Volunteer Minister to help you do something about it. Want to learn to help others? E-mail or call us at 1-800 HELP 4-YU

Posted 2009-10-23T23:31:49Z
hard money was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

 

The answer is that your habitat of the Spain Dog is usually blazing and dry, not different what an usual Suriname or Turks and Caicos Islands Dog's habitat is

Posted 2009-11-08T07:57:52Z

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