I want revenge!!!

my ex of 2yrs beat me (once to a point i nearly died), also emotionally and mentally abused me. he would rob my money, sleep with my friends and tell me i was stupid, ugly, worthless and skinny, also that none of my friends liked me and talked behind my back. i payed the rent and the bills and he would spend his benefit on alcohol & drugs.i found out i was pregnant 5 months ago just as i was realising i was falling out of love with him. i told him that i want what is best for the child and that if he diddnt change his ways id leave. this made his behavior worse and 2 days later he pushed me onto the floor and kicked me in my stomach because i wouldnt give him my wadges. i left him and moved in with my grandparents. he is now paying for things on the internet using my account, spreading dreadful untrue rumours about me and will not give me back my personal belongings including family photos and jewlery i have been left by my grandmother in her will. he has torn up my clothes also.he threatens me by saying he is going to take the baby off me and will bring trouble to my grandparents house if i call the police. i am over him and only have anger for him inside. i want to get my revenge on him by doing something other than just being succesful and happy. those things i am doing for myself and my child. i want to hurt him as he has me for the past 2 years. it is impossible for me to let this go so plz dont just tell me to leave it. i have put up with so much hurt for so long and its pay back time. help!!


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72 thumbs up

I understand that you are going through some rough times, that you are angry, upset and hurt. Yet I don't think that personal revenge is a good solution for your situation.

Your Ex is clearly a criminal and should be put behind bars for a few years. I think that involving the police in this case would be the wisest thing to do. Don't become a criminal  due to a hasty decision.  


Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
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Revenge is not the answer. Since your bf acts in a criminal manner he most probably has a criminal record. He would also know how to continue tormenting you because he is also most probably knowledgeable about what he could do to you and still avoid legal punishment. You should better consult the police and/or a criminal lawyer and have them take care of him. That would be the best revenge for you because you would not be involved in any criminal activity.


Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
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This is a turning point in your life, and in your child's life.  What you do next will be the cornerstone that frames your identity for the rest of your life, and your child's life.

All of these traumas: getting beat up, kicked, money, jewelry, police, rent, wages, rumors, etc., is all the garbage associated with being very unhappy with yourself as a person.  You've not cared enough about yourself to walk away from these painful, damaging episodes.  You've allowed yourself to be a victim.  

This does not exonerate him.  He is wrong and sounds like an abusive, dangerous man.  You can make sure you've contacted the appropriate authorities about anything he did to you that is a reportable offense, but taking some sort of revenge will only demean you and perhaps get you in trouble with the law.  

You can really only do something about yourself--and by parental association, do something about and for your child.

I'm not going to suggest that you "leave it", but you must learn to let go of it--to be able to move on and make something of yourself.

Letting go does not mean "letting him off the hook."  Letting go does not mean forgetting everything.  To the contrary, to be able to let go, you must dive in and embrace it all, learning everything you can about this mess so you can learn to never be in this type of mess again.

Letting go is about 

--resolving whatever issues can be resolved in a lawful, adult manner

--understanding how and why you got in this situation in the first place

--understanding why you allowed yourself to become pregnant with an abusive man

--understanding why you got all the way to five months in a pregnancy before realizing you were 'falling out of love' with a man who apparently tortured you

--understanding that revenge is a useless and potentially dangerous response

--taking responsibility for your participation in this relationship

--taking responsibility for any harm you did in the relationship (yes, it always 'takes two', no matter that he was aggregiously wrong and abusive--you participated in this)

--learning how YOU can behave differently in the future; never mind him--he's going to do whatever he wants to do

--learning how to have a successful relationship with yourself before trying to have a relationship with a partner

--learning to love and respect yourself enough to seek positive, nourishing relationships

--learning how you can teach your child all the good things in life--revenge NOT being one of those things

--eventually learning how to pick a good partner and having a loving, nurturing relationship

Letting go is a lot of hard work.  

Letting go is a process that takes time and hard work to achieve.  You need a counselor or mentor to help you.  Do not dismiss this suggestion.  You need a one-to-one connection with a professional.  If money is an issue, there are many resources for low-income clients.  But it will take time and effort to find the right counselor.  

You'll have to sit down in a quiet place and ask yourself if you and your child's futures are worth the effort.

Forget about revenge.  Understand that revenge is essentially anger, and there are many ways to work out anger besides taking revenge.  The important, long-lasting ways to discharge anger have nothing to do with revenge.

So ask yourself if you want to handle this in an adult manner that sets a positive course for the rest of your life, or if you want to grovel in the same kind of muck that your ex dragged you down into.  

Now that you've heard what I and others have said, if you participate in vengeful actions (or encourage others to do so), you will not be able to say that you "didn't know what you were doing".  You cannot escape the fact that you now know seeking revenge will likely have a seriously negative outcome.

I'm sure you'll do the right thing because I believe that most people really want to do the right thing.  I know you'll want your little baby to be proud of you.

Best of luck!

Marie Martin

On-Line Life and Weight Management Coach

 


Posted 1 year ago ( permalink )
peamer was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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do not laze in a complacent state. You waste time, and opportunity. YOu are obligated to set things right. In a karmic sense, if you do not take some action, you are sending the message that he should do it all again - in fact, you are encouraging it. You are condoning that he do it again to you, or to someone much more vulnerable.      Recommendations (from a health professional):      Read >>>

A Cask of Amontilllado, by Edgar Poe.

 

Read it ten times. Memorize some parts, and how to best handle this will come to you. If something unpleasant comes up, or if something reminds you of the abuse, look into his eyes with lips parted revealing teeth as if in a smile - you will be smiling; you may even be laughing. Laughing right from the belly. The inside kind of joke - ee fun feel that you get when a contagion hits you.

The improtatn part is this. WIth your friend. once you have gotten to this stage, the important part is what it is that is making you laugh. No, that's not right ... it's even a smile, or a vauge sense of wellness.

 

Once you cross the line into divine clarity, it will grow legs and make you much better.

 

Instead of thinking about all the bad things you suffered through, and pretending to smile at this person, smile as soon as you do see them, but make it a big West Texas smile. Make it the smile of someone who knows a secret. When you smile you can imagine what this person, or the leftovers, will look once you are done with him.

 

Going forward you will smile, and it will make some people relax, but you'll be the only person who knows what you're smiling about. What to do with the ashes.  Ref. : Edgar A. Poe, A Cask of Amontilalldo


Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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I can just imagine how angry you are. On the positive side you only gave him 2 years of your life and now you have your life back and can make the most out of it with a beautiful baby to raise. He got you for some time; dont let him also get your soul. Forget him. He does not worth even your revenge.


Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )
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