I just married a widower

Hi,

I would like to add a few points to Oron's excellent advice.

Second marriages are usually tricky and not easy because there are four people involved. Be patient and giving and when you feeel the time is ripe your request should be presented. I wish you all the best and lots of happiness.

It's all a mater of time , you just moved in . Better wait before making some radical changes like the one you are about to ask. Like the people before me suggested as time goes by you will settle in and your relationship will be closer and warmer and you know what maybe you'll be so sure of your relationship his wife ashes won't even bother you.

I think if it bothers you you should tell him that.If hes a good husband he'll understand.Or you could pay one of his kids to do it.

When it comes to common courtesy and being polite there is a question of what's proper or appropriate. I don't think there's any etiquette book that would have a solution for your problem - this is not about what's appropriate but about feelings and emotions - yours and him. And the two of you would have to find a way in which the two of you will be happy.

Communication is the key here, I don't think you should demand that he get rid of the ashes, however, i think that in him marrying you, he did made a deceleration of commitment to your marriage which means that you are his wife now and not his former wife, and his main concern should be with your emotions and not hers. I think that it's totally OK to ask why he feels that he needs to have the ashes in display where it is and see if maybe his explanation makes you feel better about things.

Is what bothering you is the ashes or the thought that he might not be over his dead wife? Maybe finding out that there are other reasons but his sorrow about her death - maybe it's out of respect, maybe he made a promise to her, maybe it's because of their kids - there can be al ot of reasons.

I think that if you can bare the ashes after the two of you talked about it, then you should, but if that's unbearable to you, I think it's pretty reasonable to ask him to remove the ashes to a different, less central place in the house.