Do you think it is healthy for my husband to have ...

No, I donm't think it's a healthy relationship. But I'm damned what to tell you to do about it. I doubt he thinmks of the son as his late wife, but he probably does feel that he is his last connection to her. But it's not a healthy relationship for the son. At 23 he needs to be out on his own, making his own way and learning to depend on himself. His father is smothering him, And not leaving much room for you in his life.

Yes, you are right: this is an unhealthy relationship. But it is most unhealthy for your husband's son. This sort of relationship prevent the son from seeking his own life, from making decisions on his own and from making mistakes. Yes, this indicates what you need to do. You need to have a talk with your husband. You need to explain to him the irrepairable harm he is doing to his son. In order to survice in life - and your husband is going to die before his son - his son need to learn how to make his own decisions, including mistakes and misjudgment. He needs to grow independent. That is the job of parents: to raise their children into indepenent human beings. And, by the way, it is smart for you to keep your own concerns to yourself. Once he lets his son off the leash, you will get more attention.

Yes, you are right: this is an unhealthy relationship. But it is most unhealthy for your husband's son. This sort of relationship prevent the son from seeking his own life, from making decisions on his own and from making mistakes. Yes, this indicates what you need to do. You need to have a talk with your husband. You need to explain to him the irrepairable harm he is doing to his son. In order to survice in life - and your husband is going to die before his son - his son need to learn how to make his own decisions, including mistakes and misjudgment. He needs to grow independent. That is the job of parents: to raise their children into indepenent human beings. And, by the way, it is smart for you to keep your own concerns to yourself. Once he lets his son off the leash, you will get more attention.

I see this relationship between your husband and his son if you look at it closely it could be theat they are lovers behind a closed door as you so state he bends over backward to accommodate him and treats him like he is an equal but then you state you truly think that he thinks of this son as his late wife this is a red flashing light there is more to the story than you are saying. To me i see many red flags with this they may be lovers if you look at the whole thing. As it has all the warning signs of it so stop and look at the picture. And no it is not normal or healthy relationship.