I don't think that medication is the answer and divorce is only when all else fails. There is more than just one issue to deal with here, also. First, his heavy drinking. He needs some professional help with this matter. AA or a qualified alcohol abuse counselor would be beneficial to help control his drinking. There are meds to help curb his want or need for alcohol but a qualified counselor would be the best judge if this is needed. Get him some help! Second, your sexual libido also needs to be looked at. 45 years of age is usually the peak of a womans sexuality and stays high until the 60s' and even 70s'! If he is drunkingly forcing sex upon you this could lower you desire but should not totally deplete it. You may want to talk to a sex therapist about your feelings, and don't be affraid to bring up his drinking. Third, the norm is that if a man has had a significant amount of alcohol, having an erection becomes much more difficult. If possible at all! An erection happens when the penis fills with blood. Alcohol raises the blood pressure causing the blood to flow to other parts of the body, especially the upper torso and head. Is he taking any meds such as viagra? I will say that if he does acquire an erection while drunk the time for him to ejaculate will be greatly increased due to loss of sensitivity. One hour or more is not out of the question. Speaking very frankly, the soreness that you feel is most likely from lack of use, not enough lubrication or from the positions that he chooses to use. If you are "not turned on" you will not produce the natural lubricant that helps make intercourse pleasurable. Until the time that you seek out professional help, as a means to make things more comfortable for you, use a lubricant such as Astroglide to prevent the soreness. But, PLEASE get help! Both of you!!
