You know what, you really, really need to spend some time on your own, with yourself, so you can define who you are and what you want, BEFORE you choose to get yourself involved with another person. It's imperative that you know these things about yourself first, so that you don't get into confusion. Jumping into relationships without doing this, allows other people to define who you are, and what you want out of life, for you.
You CANNOT leave this up to another human being to tell you who they think you are, or what you need, to be happy in life. That choice belongs to you! You can't let a guy define your life.
YOU are your own person and it's no one else place to define you or your life, especially by someone who doesn't even know what HE wants in his own life. That's why you feel such confusion.
There is nothing wrong with being alone with yourself and becoming strong and independent first, before you decide to get involved with someone else's life. Especially if this person has their own unresolved issues. By getting involved, you are inviting their mess into your own life, and it sounds like you have enough confusion as it is, without complicating your life even more.
If you don't know how to be happy and enjoy being with "yourself", you can have the best guy in the world, and still be miserable and unhappy. Until you learn how to fill your own needs and entertain yourself, how to make yourself happy and pick yourself up when you fall, or get knocked down, you're leaving these things up to other people. By taking time out from relationships and guys, it means you care enough about yourself, your life, and other people enough, to not want to be a problem or a hardship in someone else life either.
And you do it because you want whoever it is, who might be with you later on, to be happy and enjoy being in a relationship with you, too, Someone's who's learned to be strong and capable of taking the responsibility for their own happiness in life, And you do it because you respect yourself and people you care about enough, not to lay it on anyone. Otherwise, you are handing the responsibility to someone else to try and fill. Someone who may also have the same issues and wants YOU to fill.
The problem is, no one can make a person happy and enjoy life, except the person themself.
The happier the person is, the more responsibility they will take for their own lives (emotionally, and otherwise), instead of laying their problems on other people. And the more a person is willing to do whatever it takes, to take care of their own problems, so BOTH people can be happy, the healthier the relationship will be.
A good person, who truly loves you, won't put burdens, and problems, onto you, and will go out of their way to take care of it themself so that it doesn't interfere with your right to happiness and they will support you in doing whatever you need to do, to be happy and to enjoy your life.
Happy and emotionally healthy, stable, and secure people, make a happy, healthy, stable, and secure, relationships, because both people are strong. It takes 2 strong people, who know how to enjoy life and a make the best of it, A relationship is only as strong and as healthy as the people in it. You can't make up for whatever is missing in Isreal's life no more than Javon could do this for you.
It's up to Israel to figure out what it is that he wants, and it's up to Isreal to make himself happy. Not you. You know you can't do it for him, in the same way, Javon or anyone else can only do this for themself.
The best thing you can do for yourself, AND for the person you choose to be with, is to do this work for yourself, and not leave it for them to do for you.
Because when a relationship pushes you to the end of yourself, you need to know exactly who you are, what you want, what you'll tolerate and what you won't. Don't wait until you're in an argument, before you realize it, from that position. Take some time out by yourself so you don't find yourself caught between 2 fires again. Don't let someone else decide for you.
Afterall, people may come and go, but you are going to be with yourself forever, and the more you can do for yourself, to make your own self happy, the stronger, and the more secure and better able you will be to know and prevent confusion later.
When two people with problems come together, all of their issues get entangled all together and it makes it hard to separate what is "yours" and what is "his". The only way to really sort it out, is to get by yourself and start doing things that you enjoy doing, and finding ways to lift yourself up, and start relying more on yourself, as the strong, independent woman that you are! And you'll be able see clearly for yourself, which people are strong, which ones seem more insecure,
It will also help you be able to tell, which types of men to avoid, which ones need security blankets, and are miserable people, and which ones are strong and fun, happy people. It took me 30+ years to learn this. I'm just trying to help spare you alot of grief later on.
Afterall, wouldn't you rather have a man who was already strong, and knew how to make himself happy? Who was secure in himself, rather than someone who doesn't know who they want to be with or what they want from you, who puts all of this weight over onto you, because they never learned how to do this for themself? Some people will spend all of their lives, trying find someone who will make them happy, and never realize, that the only one who can do that, is themself.
A good man also wants a woman who knows what she wants, and how to be happy and enjoy life, who is secure in who she is. And there's no other way to do this, than to give some quality time to yourself, and learn how to be good to yourself, to respect yourself, and choose to start taking the responsibility for your own happiness and protect your own right to enjoy life! Don't wait for a guy to get his head straight. And don't put your hope in relationships, or into someone else to bring happiness and enjoyment into your life, make it happen for yourself! And all these things will come to you.
Give value to your own life, and what you enjoy doing, and learn to have fun and enjoy life being YOU!! Do it for just for you, Someone once said "If YOU don't enjoy being with yourself, how do you suppose some else feels being around you?"
I have learned that if you don't repect yourself in these areas, other people will disrespect them to. If you don't make a decision, someone else will make it for you. And if you don't take a stand for yourself, no one else will.
