My live in boyfriend goes online and looks at porn when I'm not around. I realy don't like it because some of it is gross. I am not a prude but I feel he is cheating when he does that. Before I met him he was on several online dating services. I think he spent alot of time on the computer. I have told him that I don't want him to look at porn on the computer and he says he's not but I know he is. I'v checked. This could ruin our relationship. I feel that if he can't stop doing that then he does not care much for my feelings and sex on the computer is more inportant than our relationship.
Family is the best thing in life.
I think if you've told him your feelings about his behavior and nothing has changed, your only next move (besides breaking up) is seeking out couples counseling. Good luck!
Going to counseling could help but I think you should keep in mind this is something that may be very hard for him to give up. It may not be a question of how much he loves you because it sounds like he's been into this for a while now and is quite hooked up on it.
I think going to counseling can help but i just wanted you to keep in mind this important fact.
It's very hard to change people. Actually it's impossible if they don't want to change.
Lets assume that your boyfriend isn't going to stop looking at porn - what are your options?
1. ignore it, become angrier and angrier until you ruin the relationship.
2. leave
3. Try to accept him as he is, as a part of that, try to understand why he looks at porn. Talk to him about it without anger and try to accept his behavior.
4. Try to change yourself - try and understand wht it's bothering you so much and what can you do in order for it to bother you less. A good way to do this would be through consoling or therapy.
5. combine the 3rd and 4th option - the best way to do this would be to go to couple therapy with him. Where both of you have the chance to talk openly about your feelings.
Viewing pornography is an addiction and not something he is likely to give up easily even if he wants to. If he doesn't want to change, then he won't change. Even if he does want to change, he will have a hard time doing it. If you want a longterm relationship make sure it is based on healthy attitudes and behaviors. These things do not resolve themselves and counseling is unlikely to help. The only real help can come from sexual addiction groups that are based on the AA model and require a real commitment to change.
The search for people who can answer your question continues for as long as needed - until you find the answer you were looking for.
When an answer is posted by someone who was invited (byYedda or by yourself) to answer your question, their answer is marked with a yellow "invited by Yedda".
To be invited to answer other people's questions in your areas of knowledge and interest, be sure to list your favorite topics:
» My Settings › My Topics.
Of course, the more helpful your answers are, the more likely you are to be invited to future questions...
You are entirely correct to insist upon fair and reasonable standards in your home. It is quite unacceptable for anyone to view pornography in my house, too. And, like you, I am not a prude! If you feel that his watching porn on the computer means that he does not care for your feelings, and that this indicates to you that he has chosen sex on the computer over a healthy meaningful relationship with you, then he should completely respect that. You are asking him to want a loving partnership with you over a generally third-rate and sleazy alternative on the Internet. The real thing or a fake. His choice.
I think it's quite appropriate to give him an ultimatum: the relationship along with sex as it stands with you, or lonely pornography on the computer.
To get what you've never had, you have to do things you've never done.
When you talk to him about it, focus on him hiding the fact that he hasn't stopped the porn. That is the real issue. Trust me when I say, you don't want to keep going behind him to check his computer. Guys get really testy about snooping :)
Men and porn for many guys go back a long time. And nowadays, they can download porn on their cell phones. I can't tell you to not have a problem with it, just pick your battles wisely.
My ex-boyfriend too. We just broke up and have a 6 month old baby together. It was 2 weeks before I had the baby when I found out. I was and still am so hurt. I feel that I'm not good enough when he goes online. Even though we have an awesome sex life. He seemed sincere and apologetic and even said he wasted a lot of time on this. That was a lie. You'll have problems. Couple therapy? Yeah right! You either accept it or not. Porn is one of many reasons why we are apart now.
Learn to be a good listner.
I don't think he doesn't want to have sex with you it's just that when your not availabel he enjoys seeing what other people are doing and might find ways to improve your sex life.
Got an answer for gaby1toe? Would you like to comment on the posted answers, or vote for the one which you think is the best?
Sign up for a free account, or sign in (if you're already a member).
Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:
Other people asked questions on various topics, and are still waiting for answer. Would be great if you can take a sec and answer them
