I was married 21 years. We've been divorced for 7 ...

It sounds like you're in a tough situation.

I think you need to sit down with your children and remind them that they are adults now and should act as such. It is not appropriate for them to be dictating your life and you are under no obligation to feel sorry for your ex-husband. As such, you must make it very clear to them that while they may feel sorry for their father's predicament, he is no longer your responsibility and what he chooses to do with his life is his business and you don't want to hear about it anymore (unless directly asked about). What you need to understand is that you cannot and should not always protect your kids from seeing who their "real father" is and everything he stands for, be it his selfishness or spoiledness. They are adults now and as such, should be treated as adults. They can handle adult things. They must also think ahead to see what may happen if they destroy your relationships with other people. Whether or not your ex-husband dates someone else is not dependent on whether you have your own social life. They will get married one day and devote their lives to their families but you will be left all alone if you shut off that part of your life. Don't let them deny you that opportunity. You will grow older and find it harder to find support with someone you love and will end up looking to them for support which they will probably be reluctant to give. Adult children sometimes lack the adult ability to plan for the future. Tell your children that now that they've grown up, they need do act like adults. Respecting your decisions about your life is a must in order to continue having a loving reationship with them.

Best regards to you and yours..

Why does the fact that he doesn't date have anything to do with you? You're divorced. Live your life and don't worry about what the kids think. You can just tell them that you couldn't continue living with their dad for reasons that remain between the two of you and that you are moving on with your life.

If they don't want to see you happy, it sounds like your legitimizing them being just as selfish as their dad was. Is that what you want to teach them?

Rachel (divorced & happily remarried)

Sadlyseattle.  Your children are no longer children, as you say they are adults.  The Bible us tells that children are to honor their mother and father.  Not just one. 

It sounds that you are still making excuses for your former husband.  You are allowing a situation that YOU gave up on at least 7 years ago to rule your life now.

 You say that you don't want your children to know the type of man he really is, so what is that saying about the type of woman you are?  You have sheltered this man (not the children), and you are still sheltering him.  When will you allow him to grow up?  And when will you get on with your life?  Sometimes, we have to let our children go, and let them find out for themselves what is right and what is wrong. 

The best thing you can try to do is to tell them the truth about him.  BUT you may have waited too long, and it will just sound like sour grapes to them. 

 Go live your life, do your best to stay in touch with your children, and let them find out the truth if they ever do.

Oh my God - you must be married to my husbands twin brother!  My daughters (not my sons) feel bad for their dad too!  They can't understand why now, after putting up with it all these years, I wouldn't just stay with him and deal with it.  I am afraid to date because of the way my kids can be so closed minded,  One of my girls actually thinks I won't go to heaven becuase when we were married our souls became one.  SHE is 28 years old!

My dad remarried 5 months after my mom died to a woman who was 2 years older than me (I am the youngest of five in our family).   I was very disapponted in this because I knew she was his trophy wife.  My father and I didn't speak for a few years UNTIL I grew up (I was 29 when that happened).  My dad had every right to be happy and to live his life as he saw fit.   Unfortately for my dad his marriage didn't work out.  They were divorced after 10 years. 

Unfortunately, my dad spent the last years of his life very lonely - wanting for companionship.  It was sad to see.  Once I realized the importance of love I had hoped there would be someone who would put a sparkle in his eye, happiness in his step -

Do what makes YOU happy - the kids will eventually get over themselves! (I can't believe how much I am getting out of this site!  Thank you for your question -- It makes me understand my situation more and more!)