I am having an affair because there is no intimacy

I'm sorry to hear you are so unhappy with your relationship. If loving him the way he is right now is not enough (and according to your question, it's not), I think it's time to move on. It appears you've done all you can in saving the marriage. The only thing left to do is say goodbye.

I hope that beyond sex there is more to your relationship. These should be your BEST years together - the time at which you can travel, see shows, meet with friends, etc. This type of closeness can make him want to be closer to you physically too... Perhaps right now you've drifted apart, but it makes sense to do everything possible to establish (or re-establish) companionship and friendship. My guess is that intimacy will follow shortly.

Instead of having an affair, invest your time and energy in your husband. It might just end up being worthwhile...

Good luck,
Rachel

He has taken the step to get a penile implant which is further than alot of men would have gone.I think it's up to you now if you want to light a fire under him.You've bitched at him,dragged him to a shrink and threatened him with a divorce which has likely crushed his self-esteem and his desire to be close to you.Right now you need to create intimacy outside the bedroom before you can spark between the sheets.Re-connect as a couple,remind yourself of why you fell in love with him and buy some sex toys (such as a vibrator...try The Rabbit,it's amazing).

You are quite right to choose the love, excitement, and sexual intimacy of an affair, and at the same time, preserve your marriage. So, you have accomplished both goals: sexual/romantic gratification and have not lost your husband both of which seem to be important to you.

As you have found out, you are in what's called a "sexless marriage". One of the crucial characteristics of such an unfortunate relationship is that the sexlesness tends to never change. For example it continues whether your husband has a penile implant or not, or whether you plead/beg for sex or not, or whether your minister's advice is involved or not. There is really nothing you can do. As you have also likely found out, the sexual partner (you) can become increasingly frustrated, resentful, angry, and develop self-esteem and other issues over time. Because you have elected to keep married you have made a wise choice.

Maybe you should see someone else, maybe a friend that you can share your inner thoughts with.

 Sanddasher