WIFE IN KCK ASKS: If your husband signs up for ...

Hi,

   First of all, you need to communicate with him that you are not happy with what he's doing.  Eventually he will meet someone through the internet.  There are married men who joins internet dating for extracurricular activities.  So hopefully your man is not one of them.

You need to see a marriage counselor to help you resolve this problem.  If he is doing this, maybe you need to find ways to make your lovemaking spicy and more interesting.  Possibly need to see a sex therapist too.

Take care.

Oh boy, this is a challenging situation.  I think your husband is experiencing mid-life crisis.  He wants to boost his ego by trying to meet or have possibly met some women through the internet.  I have talked to some men who have joined internet dating and the stories they related were not that funny.  This one man said that he would meet 4 to 5 women in one day and sometimes he would forget the time of the meetings and he'd miss one or 2 appointments because he was having such a good time with one woman.  Then one said that these women in  the internet were too easy, very desperate for sex, so he was having a nice time having sex with almost all the women he'd meet.  Honestly, I think your husband wants to have some experiences just like these other men were telling me.  He probably needs the excitement of dating other women.  I'm very sorry, I'm just being objective.

    Of course he does not want to go because he is not sure about the other women, if it will turn out OK.  At least he knows he can come home to you.  At 47, I think he still thinks he's young and probably has the fantasy of going out with 30-40 year old women.

    I know for a fact that men lie through their teeth(not all men) even if they are already caught in the act, they'd still deny it.  I know because I experienced the same thing with one man.  So just wait and see what will happen.  You just have to see what he's up to.

   Those were my honest objective thoughts.

PJ,

Let me tell you for a sex addict myself, who is fighting off the temptations daily. You need to set boundaries in your marriage. You have already made the mistake by thinking some of this activity is harmless. When it comes to pornography & sexual addiction, the desires increase and are endless. The will get worse if he doesn't abstain and invest those desires into you. He is already spending money and taking it away from his family, which was the hardest thing for me to justify.

He has already cheated on you. What you need to understand is the intent. Our legal system is based our the Bible and the Old testement Law. whenever, the court can prove your intent, you will be convicted. In that smae fashion, his intentions are to cheat. His intentions are to desire a women other than you. He is more self absord, that he doens't LOVE you enough to consider your feelings. If he LOVES you. He will change. However, you can't force him. He needs God. He needs counseling. He needs time to change. You must set up boundaries that demand accountability for his actions. Don't allow internet use behind close doors. Stop giving him all the sex he wants and become detached from him. Explain that he is bring multiple women into your bedroom and see how he would feel if the roles were reversed. 

Nonetheless, it is cheating. Don't wait for sexual intercouse to happen before you take it seriously. He has an addiction, as most men do. Try reading, Boundaries in Marriage and Every Man's Battle.

I have a link to my website which will give you some information about infidelity and our Signs of Infidelity checklist.

http://www.Catching-Cheaters.com

God Bless you both and good luck!!! Hope that helps...

Best regards,

Douglas Jarmon-Investigator 4 LOVE

Corinthian Group: Private Investigations & Personal Protection

(877) 687-3939/OUR-EYEZ

Yes , this constitutes cheating ,  you say only reason he's not actually done it is that you have caught him .  Don't fool yourself you are not with him 24/7 and I would bet he's already cheated on you and you just do not know it .  People in committed relationship do not sign up for on line dating / sex sites .  When you confront him about this what is his reaction how does he justify being on the sites .  Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.  You also need to be careful he could bring home a STD one that could take your life , ask him how he will feel about that .  Get yourself a good private eye and a good lawyer .  This man is disrespecting you , your marriage and your family .