My boyfriend has a lot of stress at work, he also ...

Or, if you could accept him the way he is, for the person he is, your relationship would improve as well.

Sweetie, it is never just up to one person to change in order to make things better. Your boyfriend is under stress at work and you are adding even more stress to the mix by expecting him to change his natural tendencies for you. (Stress can be a major libido killer, by the way.)

The stress your boyfriend is having at work may eventually cease, but his personality is not going to go away. Either accept him unconditionally or move on and find someone who is more your style.

Stress can have a devastating effect on the libido and sexual desire. And if you're putting pressure on him about the situation, it increases his stress. Try to have some patience with him. Think of things you might be able to do to reduce his stress level, Regardless of the mythology, we men aren't sex machines, ready to go at the drop of a t shirt.

I don't know how old you are, or how old he is; which would help to answer your questions.  But just let me say, if his work is stressful, causing him to "shut you out" emotionally and physically, when do you think the situation will change?  Is he involved in a special project that may be completed soon, and things can get back to normal?  Or is the "work" just an excuse for not being affectionate with you?  How long have you & he been together. Do you live together?  I have found that when you live together, the romance pretty much goes out the window.  When you are in a man's bed every night, they just take you for granted. They know they can have sex with you anytime, whenever they want. You are no longer a challenge.... which men DO LOVE!  They like the thrill of the chase.  When you live together, you see each other at your worst.  Is it a possibility that he may be having a workplace affair?  Or even an emotional relationship with someone else?

Consider all things, and sit down and have a serious talk with him. Stay calm, and ask him if there's someone else; would he like to work on the relationship, or would he like to take a "Break" from seeing one another all the time.  Tell him you are feeling a little insecure right now and need reassurance.  If he can't vocalize his feelings, then he could type you an email on his computer.  Some people can put in writing what they find difficult to say in person.  Good luck!

You said, "How do I get him to open up when he was raised in a stark, loveless environment.?" 

He is who he is! He cannot become someone he's not, although with a good Therapist he could eventually change if he wants to, and if he had the time to commit to Therapy. However, with his current work schedule, it would appear he would not be able to spare the time.  Some people are happy in a relationship without the need for constant reassurance and validation.  He seems content and somewhat preoccupied with his career. He's not out shopping for another woman. So find something to do to busy yourself (Do you work?) - If not, get a job. If you do work, busy yourself with decorating the apartment, making special meals, etc.

If you decide he's just NOT the guy for you, then move on while you are still young. Don't spend years trying to mold a man into someone you WANT HIM to be.  Good luck, dear.